Life, even with its struggles, twists and turns, is a very beautiful thing. Sometimes, I forget that. It's so easy to concentrate on whatever issue is consuming me at the moment that I fail to focus on the greater picture of what God is doing in my life.
If I could describe my current life in a single phrase, it would be "take a deep breath." With my job possibly ending in September, us moving, and Jared trying to get into a studio and go full time with the business, it is so easy for me to get caught up in worry and doubt. I kinda feel like we are standing on the edge of the cliff in "The Last Crusade" where Indiana Jones has to have the faith to step onto the "invisible bridge" in his search for the Holy Grail. He knows it is there and that it will carry him across to the other side but actually taking that plunge is a completely different story.
But then I do a quick time of reflection and I know God is doing a great work in our lives through this trying time. He is growing Jared and I closer to each other and closer to Him and we are realizing that EVERYTHING is from His hand and not of our own accord. Awesome thing to learn. He has us here for a reason and I have to trust in that, even when things don't necessarily make a whole lot of sense.
I think that is the beauty of obedience. If God just wanted to give us something, he would. But instead, I think He loves us so much that is He is far more concerned with the process of growing us into He wants us to be. Is it an intricate and difficult process at times? Absolutely. But it is one I wouldn't change for the world.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I Heart My Hubby
Today, is my 2nd Wedding Anniversary!!! Jared and I kept it pretty low key with a candlelit BBQ in the back yard. It couldn't have been more perfect and simple..an absolute beautiful evening and one I know I will remember for a long time.
I know it sounds cliché but of course, I can’t help but think of all the reasons I love my hubby. Here are a few:
1. He never gets tired of picking up my hair ties I randomly leave around the house.
2. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen (but isn’t afraid to go tell me to shave my legs when I need to.)
3. He is even goofier than I am & his yodeling makes me want to pee my pants in laughter.
4. He needs to cuddle for at least 30 minutes a day.
5. He lets me know when I am being disrespectful or mean spirited.
6. Even if it is just breakfast for dinner, he absolutely loves it when I cook and has never said one critical remark (not even when I once used a spaghetti sauce that tasted like vomit...true story!).
7. He always asks these deep, probing questions about stuff I never know about right before we go to bed. Although at times exasperating, I love that curiosity he has about life. He is always looking at things in a way I forget to.
8. I can leave for work with a ton of laundry to do and I will come home and not only is it done and put away but he has also cleaned the kitchen and our bedroom. Most importantly, he doesn’t keep score or use that against me.
9. His creativity, style, and determination make him the best photographer I have ever seen.
10. No matter what we do, we both agree that it is best when we do it together.
11. His adventurous spirit. From snowboarding and roller coasters, to trying new food and living on the East Side, Jared has taken my hand and opened my eyes to a world of new experiences and wonderful memories.
12. He’ll be the best dad imaginable.
13. He commonly mistakes me for a ninja, and likes to think he can karate chop me or wrestle me to the ground when we are outside.
14. He constantly reminds me of the simplicity of what it means to be a Christian when I spend too much time trying to complicate things.
15. He covers me and prays over us every night before we fall asleep.
16. He has an honest desire to become the man and husband that God wants him to be. He leads me in the ways of the Lord and demonstrates Christ’s love for the Church.
17. I know that our marriage is the most important thing to him in this world.
18. He surprised me and took me to the ballet…and actually enjoyed it.
19. When we are riding our bikes home from church and my legs get too tired on the hills, he will come alongside me and push my seat so I can make it.
20. When I think of everything Jared is to me…my better half, my encourager, my champion, …best friend is the one I cherish the most.
He is the companion of my heart through everything life brings.
(Okay, I didn’t come up with that last line. It’s off the card I gave him, but I couldn’t have been said any better =)
Jared…I am so blessed and humbled that I am the gal that gets to be your wife. A life with you is more than I could have ever imagined. I love you.
I know it sounds cliché but of course, I can’t help but think of all the reasons I love my hubby. Here are a few:
1. He never gets tired of picking up my hair ties I randomly leave around the house.
2. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen (but isn’t afraid to go tell me to shave my legs when I need to.)
3. He is even goofier than I am & his yodeling makes me want to pee my pants in laughter.
4. He needs to cuddle for at least 30 minutes a day.
5. He lets me know when I am being disrespectful or mean spirited.
6. Even if it is just breakfast for dinner, he absolutely loves it when I cook and has never said one critical remark (not even when I once used a spaghetti sauce that tasted like vomit...true story!).
7. He always asks these deep, probing questions about stuff I never know about right before we go to bed. Although at times exasperating, I love that curiosity he has about life. He is always looking at things in a way I forget to.
8. I can leave for work with a ton of laundry to do and I will come home and not only is it done and put away but he has also cleaned the kitchen and our bedroom. Most importantly, he doesn’t keep score or use that against me.
9. His creativity, style, and determination make him the best photographer I have ever seen.
10. No matter what we do, we both agree that it is best when we do it together.
11. His adventurous spirit. From snowboarding and roller coasters, to trying new food and living on the East Side, Jared has taken my hand and opened my eyes to a world of new experiences and wonderful memories.
12. He’ll be the best dad imaginable.
13. He commonly mistakes me for a ninja, and likes to think he can karate chop me or wrestle me to the ground when we are outside.
14. He constantly reminds me of the simplicity of what it means to be a Christian when I spend too much time trying to complicate things.
15. He covers me and prays over us every night before we fall asleep.
16. He has an honest desire to become the man and husband that God wants him to be. He leads me in the ways of the Lord and demonstrates Christ’s love for the Church.
17. I know that our marriage is the most important thing to him in this world.
18. He surprised me and took me to the ballet…and actually enjoyed it.
19. When we are riding our bikes home from church and my legs get too tired on the hills, he will come alongside me and push my seat so I can make it.
20. When I think of everything Jared is to me…my better half, my encourager, my champion, …best friend is the one I cherish the most.
He is the companion of my heart through everything life brings.
(Okay, I didn’t come up with that last line. It’s off the card I gave him, but I couldn’t have been said any better =)
Jared…I am so blessed and humbled that I am the gal that gets to be your wife. A life with you is more than I could have ever imagined. I love you.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I’m at 30,000 feet above the ground as I write this. A canopy of perfectly white clouds are right outside my airplane window and they look so soft it seems I could almost reach out and grab a handful of their fluffiness without it disintegrating between my fingertips. My iPod is playing one of my favorite songs. It is strangely both calming and moody and I find myself settling against my seat in quiet reflection, my thoughts drifting over the past few weeks.
I’m on my way home after spending five weeks at Keesler AFB, Mississippi for some military training. Overall, it was a great experience and God blessed me with some really great Christian women to hang out with. It felt so good to be back on an active duty base and to be reminded of the role I serve in the US military. I’m so glad to be able to wear the uniform and to belong to a strong heritage of those that have served, are serving, or will serve.
I’m not going to stand on my patriotic soapbox as I strongly believe that our country could use a lot of redirection but for me, I sometimes downplay or forget what a large part the military has played in making me the person I am today. It has taken me across the world, introduced me to people I will never forget, forced me to view the world and my life in a different light, and it even brought me to my husband.
Most importantly, God has used the military to draw me close to Him in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’m only 24, but since I enlisted in 2001, these past 7 years have been an adventure I thank God for and would never take back, not even for a second. How was I to know the amazing journeys God would take me down? I’m so humbled by this thought, so thankful that God allowed me to experience this. There have been some bruises and cut knees along the way but there have also been some of the most glorious moments where my Savior has picked me up, mended my wounds with His love and helped me stand more firmly in whom I am IN Him. A priceless gift and one I don’t deserve.
When I graduated high school, my mom gave me “Oh, the Places You Will Go” by Dr. Suess. I think back on that book now and my heart is so full. I’m realizing it’s not about the physical places I’ve visited or will visit. It all goes back to God and the intangible/indescribable moments He takes us in our lives; our hand in His, in this beautiful journey of self-exploration and a relationship defined by perfect trust……
I can see mountain tops start to poke their peaks through the clouds and I know I am almost home. I can’t wait to be back with my hubby. But for now, I am content up here in the never-ending sky, just me and my thoughts.
Oh, the places we will go. The marvelous and wondrous places…
Monday, January 21, 2008
In His Presence
There are days in which you feel as though you are trudging through life on only the sometimes waning vapors of an obedient faith. Though you realize the Lord has not forsaken you, you long for a tangible reminder of His presence. That silence can be a vast well, one in which your soul so desperately wants to climb out of, but is instead forced to wait in patient stillness.
And then there are days in which He literally wraps Himself around your senses and you realize you are in His very presence.
I experienced God in that way today. My husband and I went to the mountain to go snowboarding and though the wind was so powerful that Timberline was closed, we drove up anyway and paused to take in the view.
The beauty of that moment took my breath away. The cerulean sky was without a single cloud and the snow whirled around the peak of the mountain like vapors of crystal smoke. Wind whistled through the evergreens in a powerful but haunting melody and the brightness of the sun against the pure white snow was so vivid, I had to shade my eyes. And it was there, when I lifted my eyes to the heaven, that I realized there was nothing in this moment but endless blue sky, a beautiful mountain and my God. It was His creation, His gift to me and the air was saturated with His presence. I stood there, in the stinging wind and let Him wash over me. Every burden I was carrying was suddenly gone, having taken flight on the powerful coattails of the air around me. My fears and doubts melted away like ice from the branches of the tree and I was once again reminded what it feels like to experience perfect contentment. I am loved. Oh, I am loved desperately.
Today was such a precious gift and one that filled my soul with a sense of refreshed completeness. It is my prayer that wherever God reveals himself to you, that you will be ready to receive it.
"In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him." Ps 95:4.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Running on Empty
I sometimes think people run from the difficult questions. Like the rising waters of a tidal wave licking at our heels, we stay just far enough ahead of it so as to not get swallowed up but still convince ourselves we are still, somehow, coming face to face with reality.
Maybe we aren’t necessarily afraid of the question, but rather what the answer may reveal. To face that answer, to really evaluate it, means we can’t just simply ponder it and let it lie. Instead, we are compelled to take action.
I know there was a time in my life, where if I felt challenged, I would become defensive to the point of being judgmental. I’m learning that sometimes those tough questions are ones that the Lord uses to encourage growth. When we feel like we have all the answers, we can sometimes become stagnant in the way we approach the life God has given us. We are too comfortable, too complacent, and at times too prideful in our own self righteousness.
I am guilty.
I’m in the middle of reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. She is one of my favorite authors because she’s not afraid to ruffle feathers and ask some pretty difficult questions regarding today’s Christian culture. This book is no different. In it, the main character comes to terms with how much of the Christian church in America has missed the point. At times slightly cynical but always searching, Heather Curridge is realizing that she, herself, has been a major contributer to the problem. Although I will wait to give a full review until I have finished the book, there is one question in the chapter I am reading that has really caught my attention.
“..So if we are not any morally different than the rest of the world, why do we think we’re so great, why do we think we have all the answers, why do we act like such know-it-alls? Shouldn’t our love for Jesus make a difference in our behavior?”
“I’d like to think so.”
“As far as I am concerned, all we have is hope. And if I’m honest, it’s probably all we’ve ever had that’s separated us from the rest of humanity. Isn’t that right?”
Ouch. Now you have to read this book so as not to take it out of context but this paragraph stopped me dead in my tracks. Is my hope the only thing that separates me from the rest of the world? Trust me; this isn’t about the moral high road that so many Christians use to argue “why I am a better Christian than so and so…” What I am getting at is this: Is the love of Jesus making a difference in my BEHAVIOR? Is it being demonstrated in everything I do? Is their an outward focus of it?
As Christians, many of us choose not to watch R-rated movies, and abstain from alcohol and cigarettes. We go to church three times a week, tithe, memorize scripture, and hold deep theological conversations with fellow believers. Now please believe me when I say these are good things that the Bible preaches in some sort or another. But if Jesus’ love isn’t being displayed in our behavior, aren’t we missing a really big part of the picture? Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? I hope people don’t think I’m talking about the kind of fluffy emotion that involves rainbows, puppies, and hippies frolicking through fields of daises =) I’m talking about the kind of love that causes drastic change in the way we see and treat others. A love so strong that Jesus thought it was worth dying for.
So ask yourself these questions. Mull it over. Ponder it. Dig deep and resist the temptation to run.
Maybe we aren’t necessarily afraid of the question, but rather what the answer may reveal. To face that answer, to really evaluate it, means we can’t just simply ponder it and let it lie. Instead, we are compelled to take action.
I know there was a time in my life, where if I felt challenged, I would become defensive to the point of being judgmental. I’m learning that sometimes those tough questions are ones that the Lord uses to encourage growth. When we feel like we have all the answers, we can sometimes become stagnant in the way we approach the life God has given us. We are too comfortable, too complacent, and at times too prideful in our own self righteousness.
I am guilty.
I’m in the middle of reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. She is one of my favorite authors because she’s not afraid to ruffle feathers and ask some pretty difficult questions regarding today’s Christian culture. This book is no different. In it, the main character comes to terms with how much of the Christian church in America has missed the point. At times slightly cynical but always searching, Heather Curridge is realizing that she, herself, has been a major contributer to the problem. Although I will wait to give a full review until I have finished the book, there is one question in the chapter I am reading that has really caught my attention.
“..So if we are not any morally different than the rest of the world, why do we think we’re so great, why do we think we have all the answers, why do we act like such know-it-alls? Shouldn’t our love for Jesus make a difference in our behavior?”
“I’d like to think so.”
“As far as I am concerned, all we have is hope. And if I’m honest, it’s probably all we’ve ever had that’s separated us from the rest of humanity. Isn’t that right?”
Ouch. Now you have to read this book so as not to take it out of context but this paragraph stopped me dead in my tracks. Is my hope the only thing that separates me from the rest of the world? Trust me; this isn’t about the moral high road that so many Christians use to argue “why I am a better Christian than so and so…” What I am getting at is this: Is the love of Jesus making a difference in my BEHAVIOR? Is it being demonstrated in everything I do? Is their an outward focus of it?
As Christians, many of us choose not to watch R-rated movies, and abstain from alcohol and cigarettes. We go to church three times a week, tithe, memorize scripture, and hold deep theological conversations with fellow believers. Now please believe me when I say these are good things that the Bible preaches in some sort or another. But if Jesus’ love isn’t being displayed in our behavior, aren’t we missing a really big part of the picture? Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? I hope people don’t think I’m talking about the kind of fluffy emotion that involves rainbows, puppies, and hippies frolicking through fields of daises =) I’m talking about the kind of love that causes drastic change in the way we see and treat others. A love so strong that Jesus thought it was worth dying for.
So ask yourself these questions. Mull it over. Ponder it. Dig deep and resist the temptation to run.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Happy New Year!!!
I thought it appropriate to begin the New Year with a post to my blog. I know it has been awhile (okay, so a long while) but nevertheless, here I am, ready with a renewed commitment to resume my blogging. Hopefully, this resolution will last longer than my last year’s vow to abstain from processed sugar. Twix, or Sour Patch Kids anyone? =)
Okay, just kidding. I really do have the best intentions of keeping up on my posts.
To be honest, celebrating the New Year has always been an event of mixed feelings for me. Although the opportunity to begin anew and fresh is a welcome prospect, I can’t help but feel slightly melancholy over the things that are being left behind. So while I raised my glass of sparkling cider when the clock struck midnight, there was a twinge of regret and sadness that sat like a lump in the corner of my heart.
I hate saying goodbye. I always have. That in itself is a very strange thing because it is my nature to always look ahead to the next adventure God has for me. But during this season, I allow myself to sit quietly and take a few moments to ponder the fleeting moments that have created this latest chapter of my life.
And do you know what stands out to me during this time of reflection? It isn’t the cute boots that I just had to have. It isn’t the raise I received in my pay check or even the news headlines from around the world. They are the seemingly insignificant moments that involve the people I love. Laughing with my husband to the point I have tears running down my face, receiving a quick loving note from my mom and dad, or spending time in prayer with my girlfriends, these are the moments that grow as a lasting root into the foundation of who I am.
However, with that being said, I sometimes can recall with a shudder the times I really screwed up in the past year. The displays of my temper, insensitivity, selfishness and pride are all things I deeply regret and I wish more than anything I could take back.
I realize it does no good to rehash these things. No good can come from holding on to old sin. That is one of the beautiful things that come from knowing Jesus as your personal Savior. Because of His forgiveness, those ugly marks are erased permanently from my record. I am now beginning to realize that the New Year’s celebration is an amazing picture of this grace. Every morning, I am able to wake up and experience the opportunity to start over fresh and with a clean slate. That is something worth constantly celebrating with every ounce of my being.
I know this year will be filled with some amazing blessings, but it also will feature many of my failures. I am not perfect and I cannot do anything on my own. But because of Jesus, I can say that in a way, all of 2007 was a great year.
In fact, it was an absolutely beautiful one.
Here's praying that 2008 is the same for you.
Okay, just kidding. I really do have the best intentions of keeping up on my posts.
To be honest, celebrating the New Year has always been an event of mixed feelings for me. Although the opportunity to begin anew and fresh is a welcome prospect, I can’t help but feel slightly melancholy over the things that are being left behind. So while I raised my glass of sparkling cider when the clock struck midnight, there was a twinge of regret and sadness that sat like a lump in the corner of my heart.
I hate saying goodbye. I always have. That in itself is a very strange thing because it is my nature to always look ahead to the next adventure God has for me. But during this season, I allow myself to sit quietly and take a few moments to ponder the fleeting moments that have created this latest chapter of my life.
And do you know what stands out to me during this time of reflection? It isn’t the cute boots that I just had to have. It isn’t the raise I received in my pay check or even the news headlines from around the world. They are the seemingly insignificant moments that involve the people I love. Laughing with my husband to the point I have tears running down my face, receiving a quick loving note from my mom and dad, or spending time in prayer with my girlfriends, these are the moments that grow as a lasting root into the foundation of who I am.
However, with that being said, I sometimes can recall with a shudder the times I really screwed up in the past year. The displays of my temper, insensitivity, selfishness and pride are all things I deeply regret and I wish more than anything I could take back.
I realize it does no good to rehash these things. No good can come from holding on to old sin. That is one of the beautiful things that come from knowing Jesus as your personal Savior. Because of His forgiveness, those ugly marks are erased permanently from my record. I am now beginning to realize that the New Year’s celebration is an amazing picture of this grace. Every morning, I am able to wake up and experience the opportunity to start over fresh and with a clean slate. That is something worth constantly celebrating with every ounce of my being.
I know this year will be filled with some amazing blessings, but it also will feature many of my failures. I am not perfect and I cannot do anything on my own. But because of Jesus, I can say that in a way, all of 2007 was a great year.
In fact, it was an absolutely beautiful one.
Here's praying that 2008 is the same for you.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Listening to the True Voice
Note: I meant to post this before I left out of town to spend Easter with my family. Sorry!
This has been a crazy, crazy week and I have thus come to a startling conclusion:
I am a Gumby Doll.
Now, I will admit that weird, green, clay "thing" really gives me the creeps. What is it exactly? Is it a vegetable? A weird little man from outer space? Whatever "it" is, it sure can be stretched, twisted and molded into anything its creator desires.
And whoa, over the past couple of days have I ever been stretched! I've questioned everything from myself, my abilities, to my purpose as a writer. It has forced me to take the time to clear everybody’s voice from my head and sit quietly in reflection.
That doesn’t come easy to me. I’d rather pick up a book or doodle.
I guess I have been so focused with wanting to reach out to both Christians and Non-Christians with my writing that I have been second-guessing the right way to go about it. HA! As if there is a right way. (More on that later.) To further explain my ambiguous ramblings, here is a snippet of something I posted on the ACFW loop:
“So... I have been in a pickle lately regarding faith
in my writing and since the most recent posts have
kinda touched on the subject, I thought I might as
well join the conversation. Here it is: My first ms is
about a story that is very close to my heart. Though
the circumstances are very different, the message
featured is one I feel very called to share with
others, especially young women. The thing is, it
features quite a bit of Biblical truth that is direct
and very honest (especially for the genre I write in).
It is not harsh but definitely has the Christian
market in mind as it features scripture etc. The
problem is I would LOVE if a non-Christian picked up
something I had written, but am wondering if they
would be put off by what I have included?
Are we to try to balance faith in our writing so that
it appeals to a broader audience?
I will admit, the thought of featuring a 'lighter'
presentation of faith is one that does not sit well in
my belly. But is that my own stubbornness talking?
What is best for His kingdom?”
These were the kinds of questions that have plagued my sleep this past week. I will admit I am an over analyzer and sometimes, on a bad day, even a people pleaser. The writing world is full of critics and though I know I can’t appease them all, it still did not keep that tiny little voice from whispering worries and confusion into my brain, nagging into me a state of self-doubt. Usually, I am so strong and bold in my convictions, but call it a lack of faith on my part, I became so caught up in ‘the best way to do things’ that I forgot it wasn’t my decision to work out.
Thankfully.
After a study of Daniel (Daniel 1:8-17) I realized the only thing I can do is remain true to the kind of woman and writer God has called ME to be. The rest is up to Him. He will put my writing into the hands of those that need it. It will be His Spirit that speaks to people’s hearts. And just as He upheld an obedient Daniel in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court, I have faith my God will sustain me.
Sometimes, I think we stand in the way, and overcomplicate things when we assume it is up to us to figure out how God wants His work to be accomplished.
Instead of listening, being and doing.
And after a week of being stretched and pulled, that simplicity it is beautiful thing.
This has been a crazy, crazy week and I have thus come to a startling conclusion:
I am a Gumby Doll.
Now, I will admit that weird, green, clay "thing" really gives me the creeps. What is it exactly? Is it a vegetable? A weird little man from outer space? Whatever "it" is, it sure can be stretched, twisted and molded into anything its creator desires.
And whoa, over the past couple of days have I ever been stretched! I've questioned everything from myself, my abilities, to my purpose as a writer. It has forced me to take the time to clear everybody’s voice from my head and sit quietly in reflection.
That doesn’t come easy to me. I’d rather pick up a book or doodle.
I guess I have been so focused with wanting to reach out to both Christians and Non-Christians with my writing that I have been second-guessing the right way to go about it. HA! As if there is a right way. (More on that later.) To further explain my ambiguous ramblings, here is a snippet of something I posted on the ACFW loop:
“So... I have been in a pickle lately regarding faith
in my writing and since the most recent posts have
kinda touched on the subject, I thought I might as
well join the conversation. Here it is: My first ms is
about a story that is very close to my heart. Though
the circumstances are very different, the message
featured is one I feel very called to share with
others, especially young women. The thing is, it
features quite a bit of Biblical truth that is direct
and very honest (especially for the genre I write in).
It is not harsh but definitely has the Christian
market in mind as it features scripture etc. The
problem is I would LOVE if a non-Christian picked up
something I had written, but am wondering if they
would be put off by what I have included?
Are we to try to balance faith in our writing so that
it appeals to a broader audience?
I will admit, the thought of featuring a 'lighter'
presentation of faith is one that does not sit well in
my belly. But is that my own stubbornness talking?
What is best for His kingdom?”
These were the kinds of questions that have plagued my sleep this past week. I will admit I am an over analyzer and sometimes, on a bad day, even a people pleaser. The writing world is full of critics and though I know I can’t appease them all, it still did not keep that tiny little voice from whispering worries and confusion into my brain, nagging into me a state of self-doubt. Usually, I am so strong and bold in my convictions, but call it a lack of faith on my part, I became so caught up in ‘the best way to do things’ that I forgot it wasn’t my decision to work out.
Thankfully.
After a study of Daniel (Daniel 1:8-17) I realized the only thing I can do is remain true to the kind of woman and writer God has called ME to be. The rest is up to Him. He will put my writing into the hands of those that need it. It will be His Spirit that speaks to people’s hearts. And just as He upheld an obedient Daniel in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court, I have faith my God will sustain me.
Sometimes, I think we stand in the way, and overcomplicate things when we assume it is up to us to figure out how God wants His work to be accomplished.
Instead of listening, being and doing.
And after a week of being stretched and pulled, that simplicity it is beautiful thing.
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