I feel like my soul is bursting right now and I barely can contain it.
I want to fall to my knees and just cry out and say, "Alright God. I hear you. I feel you. And it is now time for me to stop fighting or making excuses. It's time for me to rip the blinders off of my eyes and see the path you have laid out before me."
The culmination of this past year's journey is here and I am scared, nervous, but also amazingly more alive than ever. It's time for a change in my life. A big one. It's been about two years in the making and even though I know it will be difficult and that not everyone will understand, Jared and I are about to start the most amazing faith expedition of our lives.
We are yours God, forever and ever. Amen.
Friday, September 5, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
In Memory
This is my journal entry from me and Jared's hike today...
"Jared and I made the hike up to Angel's Rest today and now I'm on a boulder overlooking the Gorge. It is a perfect moment with my very best friend. I'm at complete peace and overwhelmed with just how beautiful it is up here. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by God's creation like this in a place where I live and to be able to share it with my hubby.
We were just sitting on a bench at the end of the trail, soaking up the blue of the water, the varigated green of the trees and the gray mist of the clouds when a man and a young boy cam and sat down next to us on the ground. The man whose name is Jeff, was friendly in conversation and asked if we had ever been up here to the bench before.
It was then that I saw his boquet of colorful dalias.
The bench we were sitting on had a memorial plaque attached to it for a woman by the name of Susan Hendricks. This man was her husband and the boy was her son who was only 10 days old when she died. They come up here, every year, to resand the bench and sit in memory of her.
I couldn't help but cry as I heard her husband talk about his wife and how it has been for his son who has no memory of his Mom. I was overwhelmed by their peace, their smiles and the loving touch of a dad and a son as they sanded away the carvings and weathering of another year gone by.
To me, it was such a precious moment to experience and it reminded me that admist the tragedy of this life, peace can be found in the love we share with others. The memories of people and the impact they had on our lives will never die and never will they stop being important. I know this life will change and there might be a day when Jared isn't by my side. But just as that solitary bench sits overlooking the beauty of the Gorge, I realize my memories of days like today will be a sanctuary for me to find peace and I suddenly know I will be okay.
Thank you Lord, for this day and the glimpse of love and comfort you revealed to me. It was such a gift to behold."
Jeff and Jordan at the bench's initial dedication. For more information, visit the website: www.susanlhendricksmemorials.net
Almost ten years later. They forgot their camera and asked if we wouldn't mind taking one of them. Praying God blesses your family!
A close-up of the plaque on the bench. Very touching.
My hubby and I taking in the beautiful view. I chopped off my hair and got red streaks! Kinda hard to tell in this pic but I feel like a rock star! ;)
"Jared and I made the hike up to Angel's Rest today and now I'm on a boulder overlooking the Gorge. It is a perfect moment with my very best friend. I'm at complete peace and overwhelmed with just how beautiful it is up here. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by God's creation like this in a place where I live and to be able to share it with my hubby.
We were just sitting on a bench at the end of the trail, soaking up the blue of the water, the varigated green of the trees and the gray mist of the clouds when a man and a young boy cam and sat down next to us on the ground. The man whose name is Jeff, was friendly in conversation and asked if we had ever been up here to the bench before.
It was then that I saw his boquet of colorful dalias.
The bench we were sitting on had a memorial plaque attached to it for a woman by the name of Susan Hendricks. This man was her husband and the boy was her son who was only 10 days old when she died. They come up here, every year, to resand the bench and sit in memory of her.
I couldn't help but cry as I heard her husband talk about his wife and how it has been for his son who has no memory of his Mom. I was overwhelmed by their peace, their smiles and the loving touch of a dad and a son as they sanded away the carvings and weathering of another year gone by.
To me, it was such a precious moment to experience and it reminded me that admist the tragedy of this life, peace can be found in the love we share with others. The memories of people and the impact they had on our lives will never die and never will they stop being important. I know this life will change and there might be a day when Jared isn't by my side. But just as that solitary bench sits overlooking the beauty of the Gorge, I realize my memories of days like today will be a sanctuary for me to find peace and I suddenly know I will be okay.
Thank you Lord, for this day and the glimpse of love and comfort you revealed to me. It was such a gift to behold."
Jeff and Jordan at the bench's initial dedication. For more information, visit the website: www.susanlhendricksmemorials.net
Almost ten years later. They forgot their camera and asked if we wouldn't mind taking one of them. Praying God blesses your family!
A close-up of the plaque on the bench. Very touching.
My hubby and I taking in the beautiful view. I chopped off my hair and got red streaks! Kinda hard to tell in this pic but I feel like a rock star! ;)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Religion vs. The Gospel: Part II
Freedom.
I'll admit until about a month and half ago, that word in the Biblical context really scared me because I didn't understand it. Some Christians use it as a basis for "everything is permissible" kind of lifestyle. Still others choose to ignore the word completely and demand that both they and others around them live their life according the rigid set of religious rules they deemed necessary to obtain holy living. I found myself somewhere in the middle (but sometimes slipping to group #2) and more often than nought, with my head stuck in the sand like an ostrich. Maybe I was afraid of the answer, but for whatever reason I usually chose to dance around the issue so I didn't have to examine it too closely.
I was always left with this question, "What does freedom in the Christian life look like? What is it for?"
To me, it was more of an issue regarding how we chose to live our own lives. But then, I stumbled across Galations 5:13 and my eyes were suddenly opened.
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love."
The simple truth had been there the entire time and yet I kept missing the point.
The point of freedom isn't about us. It is God's way of relieving us of a heavy burden of following the "law" so that we can focus on others. In the past few month I've been hit time and time again, with just how much the Gospel has an outwardly perspective as its focus. Sometimes I get so concerned with how I doing and how I'm appearing to live my life that I realize I'm missing the point entirely. Not that being concerned about our walk is a bad thing; it's quite the opposite. However, we aren't really fulfilling the purpose God has set before us if we choose to concentrate mostly on ourselves.
I'll admit I see this a lot in myself and in the Church. Sometimes we are afraid "to get our hands dirty" by associating with people that are difficult or involved with things that could lower our image. We can spend a lot of time pouring all of our effort into our own walk that we neglect the ones God has called us to love.
I know it is a whole lot easier to cut these people out of our lives but it is not what the Gospel is asking us to do. It is not what Christ did. The love of what He did on the cross is enough to cover the blemishes of us all. His perfect love couldn't be anymore outwardly demonstrated and in that I find a sense of freedom I am no longer afraid of.
In fact, I embrace it wholeheartedly.
"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" Galations 5:6
I'll admit until about a month and half ago, that word in the Biblical context really scared me because I didn't understand it. Some Christians use it as a basis for "everything is permissible" kind of lifestyle. Still others choose to ignore the word completely and demand that both they and others around them live their life according the rigid set of religious rules they deemed necessary to obtain holy living. I found myself somewhere in the middle (but sometimes slipping to group #2) and more often than nought, with my head stuck in the sand like an ostrich. Maybe I was afraid of the answer, but for whatever reason I usually chose to dance around the issue so I didn't have to examine it too closely.
I was always left with this question, "What does freedom in the Christian life look like? What is it for?"
To me, it was more of an issue regarding how we chose to live our own lives. But then, I stumbled across Galations 5:13 and my eyes were suddenly opened.
"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love."
The simple truth had been there the entire time and yet I kept missing the point.
The point of freedom isn't about us. It is God's way of relieving us of a heavy burden of following the "law" so that we can focus on others. In the past few month I've been hit time and time again, with just how much the Gospel has an outwardly perspective as its focus. Sometimes I get so concerned with how I doing and how I'm appearing to live my life that I realize I'm missing the point entirely. Not that being concerned about our walk is a bad thing; it's quite the opposite. However, we aren't really fulfilling the purpose God has set before us if we choose to concentrate mostly on ourselves.
I'll admit I see this a lot in myself and in the Church. Sometimes we are afraid "to get our hands dirty" by associating with people that are difficult or involved with things that could lower our image. We can spend a lot of time pouring all of our effort into our own walk that we neglect the ones God has called us to love.
I know it is a whole lot easier to cut these people out of our lives but it is not what the Gospel is asking us to do. It is not what Christ did. The love of what He did on the cross is enough to cover the blemishes of us all. His perfect love couldn't be anymore outwardly demonstrated and in that I find a sense of freedom I am no longer afraid of.
In fact, I embrace it wholeheartedly.
"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" Galations 5:6
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Religion vs The Gospel: Part 1
Religion. Even the sight of the word makes my skin crawl with a shudder. While most people unknowingly use it as a common label for people who have a belief in God, it is in fact, a word that has a deeply dangerous connotation.
A couple of weeks ago, I was blessed to be able to attend Grace Church in San Luis Obispo, CA with my in-laws Joella & Jeremy. The topic of the sermon was one that I found quite pertinent in today's world view and would like to share with whomever stumbles across this blog.
(Galations 5:1-12)
THE DEADLY DANGERS OF RELIGION:
1. Religion renders Christ of no benefit (v2)
Religion is self-centered in its focus.
2. Religion obligates us to perfect obedience (v3)
The problem is, we can't!
3. Religion cuts us off from Christ and God's grace (v4)
God does not accept us because we obey. He accepts us only through His Grace & Son.
4. Religion is not obeying the truth (v7)
The gospel is clear that it is not by works, but by grace through faith that we are saved.
5. Religion is not from God (v8)
It removes the faith element.
6. Religion spreads like leaven (v9)
It spurs pride, judgement, self-reliance & anything we, as Christians, try to add to our "to-do" lists. This can seem harmless at first (ie: habitually reading our Bible, attending church, etc) but a wrong attitude can quickly turn our walk into religion.
7. Religion exposes us to God's judgement (v10)
It severes the relationship aspect and turns it into a self-seeking list.
8. Religion abolishes the stumbling block of the cross (v11)
Sometimes the simplicity of faith is too much for people to overcome.
In contrast, the Bible tells of the genuine truth of God's desire for His people:
THE DELIGHTFUL DIRECTION OF THE GOSPEL:
1. Upward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to wait expectantly for righteousness (v5)
We hope by faith. We are not depending on the burden of ourselves and the drudgery of keeping the law. We are no longer consumed with rule following.
2. Outward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to love others (v6)
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Love is the fruit of faith...the outward demonstration.
I have to pause here. When I was listening to this sermon I was both deeply amazed and convicted by the truth that was being presented to me. I will admit, it is really easy for me to be the kind of person who makes "lists." I like to be looked at as a "good" Christian and secretly, it can be pretty easy for me to point out what doesn't look so "good" in other people. I recall these times and I realize just how religious I was being. I wanted my gold star, and in doing so probably pushed a lot of people out of my way. People that probably needed to be shown love.
This is the danger of being religious. It takes the Gospel which is so lovingly outward with its focus and turns it into a selfish perspective of duty. I'm pretty sure most Christians don't intend for it to happen, but then, like a bad habit, it creeps back into our life and sucks the living right out of us.
I wonder how many people have suffered at the hands of "religion"? It fascinates me, as well as makes me terribly sad, to think that most people equate the Bible & Christians with religion. I just pray that I can do my part and let people know that God is so much bigger than their misconceptions.
A couple of weeks ago, I was blessed to be able to attend Grace Church in San Luis Obispo, CA with my in-laws Joella & Jeremy. The topic of the sermon was one that I found quite pertinent in today's world view and would like to share with whomever stumbles across this blog.
(Galations 5:1-12)
THE DEADLY DANGERS OF RELIGION:
1. Religion renders Christ of no benefit (v2)
Religion is self-centered in its focus.
2. Religion obligates us to perfect obedience (v3)
The problem is, we can't!
3. Religion cuts us off from Christ and God's grace (v4)
God does not accept us because we obey. He accepts us only through His Grace & Son.
4. Religion is not obeying the truth (v7)
The gospel is clear that it is not by works, but by grace through faith that we are saved.
5. Religion is not from God (v8)
It removes the faith element.
6. Religion spreads like leaven (v9)
It spurs pride, judgement, self-reliance & anything we, as Christians, try to add to our "to-do" lists. This can seem harmless at first (ie: habitually reading our Bible, attending church, etc) but a wrong attitude can quickly turn our walk into religion.
7. Religion exposes us to God's judgement (v10)
It severes the relationship aspect and turns it into a self-seeking list.
8. Religion abolishes the stumbling block of the cross (v11)
Sometimes the simplicity of faith is too much for people to overcome.
In contrast, the Bible tells of the genuine truth of God's desire for His people:
THE DELIGHTFUL DIRECTION OF THE GOSPEL:
1. Upward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to wait expectantly for righteousness (v5)
We hope by faith. We are not depending on the burden of ourselves and the drudgery of keeping the law. We are no longer consumed with rule following.
2. Outward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to love others (v6)
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Love is the fruit of faith...the outward demonstration.
I have to pause here. When I was listening to this sermon I was both deeply amazed and convicted by the truth that was being presented to me. I will admit, it is really easy for me to be the kind of person who makes "lists." I like to be looked at as a "good" Christian and secretly, it can be pretty easy for me to point out what doesn't look so "good" in other people. I recall these times and I realize just how religious I was being. I wanted my gold star, and in doing so probably pushed a lot of people out of my way. People that probably needed to be shown love.
This is the danger of being religious. It takes the Gospel which is so lovingly outward with its focus and turns it into a selfish perspective of duty. I'm pretty sure most Christians don't intend for it to happen, but then, like a bad habit, it creeps back into our life and sucks the living right out of us.
I wonder how many people have suffered at the hands of "religion"? It fascinates me, as well as makes me terribly sad, to think that most people equate the Bible & Christians with religion. I just pray that I can do my part and let people know that God is so much bigger than their misconceptions.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Perspective
Life, even with its struggles, twists and turns, is a very beautiful thing. Sometimes, I forget that. It's so easy to concentrate on whatever issue is consuming me at the moment that I fail to focus on the greater picture of what God is doing in my life.
If I could describe my current life in a single phrase, it would be "take a deep breath." With my job possibly ending in September, us moving, and Jared trying to get into a studio and go full time with the business, it is so easy for me to get caught up in worry and doubt. I kinda feel like we are standing on the edge of the cliff in "The Last Crusade" where Indiana Jones has to have the faith to step onto the "invisible bridge" in his search for the Holy Grail. He knows it is there and that it will carry him across to the other side but actually taking that plunge is a completely different story.
But then I do a quick time of reflection and I know God is doing a great work in our lives through this trying time. He is growing Jared and I closer to each other and closer to Him and we are realizing that EVERYTHING is from His hand and not of our own accord. Awesome thing to learn. He has us here for a reason and I have to trust in that, even when things don't necessarily make a whole lot of sense.
I think that is the beauty of obedience. If God just wanted to give us something, he would. But instead, I think He loves us so much that is He is far more concerned with the process of growing us into He wants us to be. Is it an intricate and difficult process at times? Absolutely. But it is one I wouldn't change for the world.
If I could describe my current life in a single phrase, it would be "take a deep breath." With my job possibly ending in September, us moving, and Jared trying to get into a studio and go full time with the business, it is so easy for me to get caught up in worry and doubt. I kinda feel like we are standing on the edge of the cliff in "The Last Crusade" where Indiana Jones has to have the faith to step onto the "invisible bridge" in his search for the Holy Grail. He knows it is there and that it will carry him across to the other side but actually taking that plunge is a completely different story.
But then I do a quick time of reflection and I know God is doing a great work in our lives through this trying time. He is growing Jared and I closer to each other and closer to Him and we are realizing that EVERYTHING is from His hand and not of our own accord. Awesome thing to learn. He has us here for a reason and I have to trust in that, even when things don't necessarily make a whole lot of sense.
I think that is the beauty of obedience. If God just wanted to give us something, he would. But instead, I think He loves us so much that is He is far more concerned with the process of growing us into He wants us to be. Is it an intricate and difficult process at times? Absolutely. But it is one I wouldn't change for the world.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I Heart My Hubby
Today, is my 2nd Wedding Anniversary!!! Jared and I kept it pretty low key with a candlelit BBQ in the back yard. It couldn't have been more perfect and simple..an absolute beautiful evening and one I know I will remember for a long time.
I know it sounds cliché but of course, I can’t help but think of all the reasons I love my hubby. Here are a few:
1. He never gets tired of picking up my hair ties I randomly leave around the house.
2. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen (but isn’t afraid to go tell me to shave my legs when I need to.)
3. He is even goofier than I am & his yodeling makes me want to pee my pants in laughter.
4. He needs to cuddle for at least 30 minutes a day.
5. He lets me know when I am being disrespectful or mean spirited.
6. Even if it is just breakfast for dinner, he absolutely loves it when I cook and has never said one critical remark (not even when I once used a spaghetti sauce that tasted like vomit...true story!).
7. He always asks these deep, probing questions about stuff I never know about right before we go to bed. Although at times exasperating, I love that curiosity he has about life. He is always looking at things in a way I forget to.
8. I can leave for work with a ton of laundry to do and I will come home and not only is it done and put away but he has also cleaned the kitchen and our bedroom. Most importantly, he doesn’t keep score or use that against me.
9. His creativity, style, and determination make him the best photographer I have ever seen.
10. No matter what we do, we both agree that it is best when we do it together.
11. His adventurous spirit. From snowboarding and roller coasters, to trying new food and living on the East Side, Jared has taken my hand and opened my eyes to a world of new experiences and wonderful memories.
12. He’ll be the best dad imaginable.
13. He commonly mistakes me for a ninja, and likes to think he can karate chop me or wrestle me to the ground when we are outside.
14. He constantly reminds me of the simplicity of what it means to be a Christian when I spend too much time trying to complicate things.
15. He covers me and prays over us every night before we fall asleep.
16. He has an honest desire to become the man and husband that God wants him to be. He leads me in the ways of the Lord and demonstrates Christ’s love for the Church.
17. I know that our marriage is the most important thing to him in this world.
18. He surprised me and took me to the ballet…and actually enjoyed it.
19. When we are riding our bikes home from church and my legs get too tired on the hills, he will come alongside me and push my seat so I can make it.
20. When I think of everything Jared is to me…my better half, my encourager, my champion, …best friend is the one I cherish the most.
He is the companion of my heart through everything life brings.
(Okay, I didn’t come up with that last line. It’s off the card I gave him, but I couldn’t have been said any better =)
Jared…I am so blessed and humbled that I am the gal that gets to be your wife. A life with you is more than I could have ever imagined. I love you.
I know it sounds cliché but of course, I can’t help but think of all the reasons I love my hubby. Here are a few:
1. He never gets tired of picking up my hair ties I randomly leave around the house.
2. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen (but isn’t afraid to go tell me to shave my legs when I need to.)
3. He is even goofier than I am & his yodeling makes me want to pee my pants in laughter.
4. He needs to cuddle for at least 30 minutes a day.
5. He lets me know when I am being disrespectful or mean spirited.
6. Even if it is just breakfast for dinner, he absolutely loves it when I cook and has never said one critical remark (not even when I once used a spaghetti sauce that tasted like vomit...true story!).
7. He always asks these deep, probing questions about stuff I never know about right before we go to bed. Although at times exasperating, I love that curiosity he has about life. He is always looking at things in a way I forget to.
8. I can leave for work with a ton of laundry to do and I will come home and not only is it done and put away but he has also cleaned the kitchen and our bedroom. Most importantly, he doesn’t keep score or use that against me.
9. His creativity, style, and determination make him the best photographer I have ever seen.
10. No matter what we do, we both agree that it is best when we do it together.
11. His adventurous spirit. From snowboarding and roller coasters, to trying new food and living on the East Side, Jared has taken my hand and opened my eyes to a world of new experiences and wonderful memories.
12. He’ll be the best dad imaginable.
13. He commonly mistakes me for a ninja, and likes to think he can karate chop me or wrestle me to the ground when we are outside.
14. He constantly reminds me of the simplicity of what it means to be a Christian when I spend too much time trying to complicate things.
15. He covers me and prays over us every night before we fall asleep.
16. He has an honest desire to become the man and husband that God wants him to be. He leads me in the ways of the Lord and demonstrates Christ’s love for the Church.
17. I know that our marriage is the most important thing to him in this world.
18. He surprised me and took me to the ballet…and actually enjoyed it.
19. When we are riding our bikes home from church and my legs get too tired on the hills, he will come alongside me and push my seat so I can make it.
20. When I think of everything Jared is to me…my better half, my encourager, my champion, …best friend is the one I cherish the most.
He is the companion of my heart through everything life brings.
(Okay, I didn’t come up with that last line. It’s off the card I gave him, but I couldn’t have been said any better =)
Jared…I am so blessed and humbled that I am the gal that gets to be your wife. A life with you is more than I could have ever imagined. I love you.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I’m at 30,000 feet above the ground as I write this. A canopy of perfectly white clouds are right outside my airplane window and they look so soft it seems I could almost reach out and grab a handful of their fluffiness without it disintegrating between my fingertips. My iPod is playing one of my favorite songs. It is strangely both calming and moody and I find myself settling against my seat in quiet reflection, my thoughts drifting over the past few weeks.
I’m on my way home after spending five weeks at Keesler AFB, Mississippi for some military training. Overall, it was a great experience and God blessed me with some really great Christian women to hang out with. It felt so good to be back on an active duty base and to be reminded of the role I serve in the US military. I’m so glad to be able to wear the uniform and to belong to a strong heritage of those that have served, are serving, or will serve.
I’m not going to stand on my patriotic soapbox as I strongly believe that our country could use a lot of redirection but for me, I sometimes downplay or forget what a large part the military has played in making me the person I am today. It has taken me across the world, introduced me to people I will never forget, forced me to view the world and my life in a different light, and it even brought me to my husband.
Most importantly, God has used the military to draw me close to Him in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’m only 24, but since I enlisted in 2001, these past 7 years have been an adventure I thank God for and would never take back, not even for a second. How was I to know the amazing journeys God would take me down? I’m so humbled by this thought, so thankful that God allowed me to experience this. There have been some bruises and cut knees along the way but there have also been some of the most glorious moments where my Savior has picked me up, mended my wounds with His love and helped me stand more firmly in whom I am IN Him. A priceless gift and one I don’t deserve.
When I graduated high school, my mom gave me “Oh, the Places You Will Go” by Dr. Suess. I think back on that book now and my heart is so full. I’m realizing it’s not about the physical places I’ve visited or will visit. It all goes back to God and the intangible/indescribable moments He takes us in our lives; our hand in His, in this beautiful journey of self-exploration and a relationship defined by perfect trust……
I can see mountain tops start to poke their peaks through the clouds and I know I am almost home. I can’t wait to be back with my hubby. But for now, I am content up here in the never-ending sky, just me and my thoughts.
Oh, the places we will go. The marvelous and wondrous places…
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