Note: I meant to post this before I left out of town to spend Easter with my family. Sorry!
This has been a crazy, crazy week and I have thus come to a startling conclusion:
I am a Gumby Doll.
Now, I will admit that weird, green, clay "thing" really gives me the creeps. What is it exactly? Is it a vegetable? A weird little man from outer space? Whatever "it" is, it sure can be stretched, twisted and molded into anything its creator desires.
And whoa, over the past couple of days have I ever been stretched! I've questioned everything from myself, my abilities, to my purpose as a writer. It has forced me to take the time to clear everybody’s voice from my head and sit quietly in reflection.
That doesn’t come easy to me. I’d rather pick up a book or doodle.
I guess I have been so focused with wanting to reach out to both Christians and Non-Christians with my writing that I have been second-guessing the right way to go about it. HA! As if there is a right way. (More on that later.) To further explain my ambiguous ramblings, here is a snippet of something I posted on the ACFW loop:
“So... I have been in a pickle lately regarding faith
in my writing and since the most recent posts have
kinda touched on the subject, I thought I might as
well join the conversation. Here it is: My first ms is
about a story that is very close to my heart. Though
the circumstances are very different, the message
featured is one I feel very called to share with
others, especially young women. The thing is, it
features quite a bit of Biblical truth that is direct
and very honest (especially for the genre I write in).
It is not harsh but definitely has the Christian
market in mind as it features scripture etc. The
problem is I would LOVE if a non-Christian picked up
something I had written, but am wondering if they
would be put off by what I have included?
Are we to try to balance faith in our writing so that
it appeals to a broader audience?
I will admit, the thought of featuring a 'lighter'
presentation of faith is one that does not sit well in
my belly. But is that my own stubbornness talking?
What is best for His kingdom?”
These were the kinds of questions that have plagued my sleep this past week. I will admit I am an over analyzer and sometimes, on a bad day, even a people pleaser. The writing world is full of critics and though I know I can’t appease them all, it still did not keep that tiny little voice from whispering worries and confusion into my brain, nagging into me a state of self-doubt. Usually, I am so strong and bold in my convictions, but call it a lack of faith on my part, I became so caught up in ‘the best way to do things’ that I forgot it wasn’t my decision to work out.
Thankfully.
After a study of Daniel (Daniel 1:8-17) I realized the only thing I can do is remain true to the kind of woman and writer God has called ME to be. The rest is up to Him. He will put my writing into the hands of those that need it. It will be His Spirit that speaks to people’s hearts. And just as He upheld an obedient Daniel in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court, I have faith my God will sustain me.
Sometimes, I think we stand in the way, and overcomplicate things when we assume it is up to us to figure out how God wants His work to be accomplished.
Instead of listening, being and doing.
And after a week of being stretched and pulled, that simplicity it is beautiful thing.
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16 comments:
Rebekah,
I think you hit on it. Write it and let God work it out. You never know what someone might need to hear...at times in my life I've wandered far from God and the things that have set me straight have been wildly varied-and it's all good. Too much spirituality for one person is not enough for the next. That's what I love about our job as writers. Only you can tell the story in your voice, from your viewpoint-and that WILL reach the persons who are ABLE to receive it.
Perhaps that's the best part of being one of many christian writers....there are also many types of christian readers, all at very different points in their journey, all needed different messages for where they are right now.
Okay. I created a blog. I already write in one on myspace every once in a while, but I thought I'd start an actual this-is-specifically-for-journaling site. So, I'll try to keep it up... if you write another post! :)
For a writer you sure don't write a lot on this thing... Unless it is stil april.
I know that you're super duper busy, but I check your blog daily in hopes of an update or at least a humorous anecdote. Don't let that make you feel bad, take it as a compliment. You're an amazing writer, and I can't wait to read your stuff!
PS: Yes, I deleted my previous comment because I had a moment of idiocy and spelled "humor" with an E. :P
okay...so i hear about this blog last night so i HAD to check it out. you, friend, are a talented writer. keep it up. and like everyone else, i'm waiting for another entry. he he.
I love what you have done with your blog. I check it everyday and I am always so excited with the new content. I woke up today and thought, let me check beck's site. And then I was like, oh my goodness! it is Easter. The day our Lord rose from the grave! Do we have church tonight? I like easter eggs. Umm.
Mere Ramblings without the Frizzy Hair...
So I got up this morning and checked the blogs as always and guess what?! The easter bunny was standing behind me! I was like, "hey easter bunny, what are you doing here? We just celebrated the 4th of July! " Now you can imagine my plight, I expected a stereotypical answer from the creature such as "it's never to early for a painted egg," or "easter has come in July." He (well I assume it is a he, I didn't check, I merely assume) told me something that startled me and shook me to my core. He said, "look at the blog you are reading right now." Reluctantly I peered back at me screen. My face crumpled and my countenance changed to sheer horror. It turns out I have been living in an alternate universe where time continues to move on. My reality has now been replaced with an "everlasting easter."
Now you might recall a movie much like my situation called "Groundhog Day" with lovable Bill Murray. He relives the same day over and over again but instead of the cute ground hog, I relive each day with a big rabbit in my room. I guess it is not all that bad. He has a some interesting ideas on Nihilism, although I continually remind him, although valid, they don't really exist. (And I don't care for his preparation of eggs. Of all people who should be able to create eggs over-easy. Disgusted? So am I.). Do you think my assumption about his alleged gender stems from our society of origin? The easter bunny may drop by your house but it isn’t very personal. Now the Tooth Fairy on the other hand... The Tooth Fairy comes, lifts up your head, and places money where your tooth once sat. Now tell me you want a guy doing that job, I smell a lawsuit. I want my Tooth Fairy to be a nice lady, not a dirty old man.
The bunny eventually hopped off into the figurative sunset, set to return tomorrow unless the blog says otherwise. Now I wonder what said Tooth Fairy looks like...
Ha, that was funny... I missed the first couple of sentences on your post and I actually thought it was a new one. What a silly boy I am.
Hey Adam, I like your second blog here. Only, it's true that sometimes you do have frizzy hair. I'm sorry, but I have to be honest. That's what friends are for, right?
As for that pesky bunny situation, make sure you've got some pineapple juice on hand. If that rabbit gets a hairball, you don't want it coughed up all over you and your room. Trust me on this. Make him (?) drink the juice. Clears the situation right up. Also, would you please ask him (?) why he (?) hid that egg at our house on Teerlink Way in such an obscure location? It took us over three years to find it, and by then... well, you get the picture.
Cheerio(s)!
You've caught me Brice, I do, on occasion, have frizzy hair. I would be angry at you for spilling the beans but it is clear this site is no longer checked so it doesn't matter. Speaking of beans, I had some today and let me tell ya, they are the magical fruit.
Good advice on the rabbit situation. The pineapple juice has worked wonders. I asked him(?) what was the deal with the egg, I said, "Hey big ears (that's what I call him sometimes), big ears, what is the deal with the egg at Brice's house?!” He said you and your brother were such rotten kids that year he wanted to make a powerful statement, and it appears as though he did... Silly Bunny.
How is your job going Brice?
It's going really well. I should probably update my blog before it's taken over by the evil trollers. How's your job search going? Ready for your wedding??
I would say all and all the wedding is in place... We'll see how it turns out. The job search is going well I think. I just met with the CEO of ODS downtown, which was a good meeting and accepted a part time position with Timmy B (aka Bob Barker) working with kids. It's pretty fun... :)
Hey Rebekah! I love that you're writing... keep it up! God can work in SO many ways through the words of His people :) Anyways, I think of you often and sure hope you're doing well! Mikaela is 11 months old and we're expecting baby #2 at the end of March :) I'd LOVE to hear from you!!
Love,
Laura
Laura,
I would tend to agree with you in that I am happy that beck's is writing, but here we find ourselves at an awkward and unavoidable truth: Rebekah is not writing. Her mere rambles don't ramble, her frizzy hair no longer inspires, and the thoughts from the hallowed halls of her mind no longer, ah, hallow...? Now if I can only get that stinkin' rabbit to leave me alone...
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