In His Presence

There are days in which you feel as though you are trudging through life on only the sometimes waning vapors of an obedient faith. Though you realize the Lord has not forsaken you, you long for a tangible reminder of His presence. That silence can be a vast well, one in which your soul so desperately wants to climb out of, but is instead forced to wait in patient stillness.

And then there are days in which He literally wraps Himself around your senses and you realize you are in His very presence.

I experienced God in that way today. My husband and I went to the mountain to go snowboarding and though the wind was so powerful that Timberline was closed, we drove up anyway and paused to take in the view.

The beauty of that moment took my breath away. The cerulean sky was without a single cloud and the snow whirled around the peak of the mountain like vapors of crystal smoke. Wind whistled through the evergreens in a powerful but haunting melody and the brightness of the sun against the pure white snow was so vivid, I had to shade my eyes. And it was there, when I lifted my eyes to the heaven, that I realized there was nothing in this moment but endless blue sky, a beautiful mountain and my God. It was His creation, His gift to me and the air was saturated with His presence. I stood there, in the stinging wind and let Him wash over me. Every burden I was carrying was suddenly gone, having taken flight on the powerful coattails of the air around me. My fears and doubts melted away like ice from the branches of the tree and I was once again reminded what it feels like to experience perfect contentment. I am loved. Oh, I am loved desperately.

Today was such a precious gift and one that filled my soul with a sense of refreshed completeness. It is my prayer that wherever God reveals himself to you, that you will be ready to receive it.

"In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him." Ps 95:4.

Running on Empty

I sometimes think people run from the difficult questions. Like the rising waters of a tidal wave licking at our heels, we stay just far enough ahead of it so as to not get swallowed up but still convince ourselves we are still, somehow, coming face to face with reality.

Maybe we aren’t necessarily afraid of the question, but rather what the answer may reveal. To face that answer, to really evaluate it, means we can’t just simply ponder it and let it lie. Instead, we are compelled to take action.

I know there was a time in my life, where if I felt challenged, I would become defensive to the point of being judgmental. I’m learning that sometimes those tough questions are ones that the Lord uses to encourage growth. When we feel like we have all the answers, we can sometimes become stagnant in the way we approach the life God has given us. We are too comfortable, too complacent, and at times too prideful in our own self righteousness.

I am guilty.

I’m in the middle of reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. She is one of my favorite authors because she’s not afraid to ruffle feathers and ask some pretty difficult questions regarding today’s Christian culture. This book is no different. In it, the main character comes to terms with how much of the Christian church in America has missed the point. At times slightly cynical but always searching, Heather Curridge is realizing that she, herself, has been a major contributer to the problem. Although I will wait to give a full review until I have finished the book, there is one question in the chapter I am reading that has really caught my attention.

“..So if we are not any morally different than the rest of the world, why do we think we’re so great, why do we think we have all the answers, why do we act like such know-it-alls? Shouldn’t our love for Jesus make a difference in our behavior?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“As far as I am concerned, all we have is hope. And if I’m honest, it’s probably all we’ve ever had that’s separated us from the rest of humanity. Isn’t that right?”

Ouch. Now you have to read this book so as not to take it out of context but this paragraph stopped me dead in my tracks. Is my hope the only thing that separates me from the rest of the world? Trust me; this isn’t about the moral high road that so many Christians use to argue “why I am a better Christian than so and so…” What I am getting at is this: Is the love of Jesus making a difference in my BEHAVIOR? Is it being demonstrated in everything I do? Is their an outward focus of it?

As Christians, many of us choose not to watch R-rated movies, and abstain from alcohol and cigarettes. We go to church three times a week, tithe, memorize scripture, and hold deep theological conversations with fellow believers. Now please believe me when I say these are good things that the Bible preaches in some sort or another. But if Jesus’ love isn’t being displayed in our behavior, aren’t we missing a really big part of the picture? Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? I hope people don’t think I’m talking about the kind of fluffy emotion that involves rainbows, puppies, and hippies frolicking through fields of daises =) I’m talking about the kind of love that causes drastic change in the way we see and treat others. A love so strong that Jesus thought it was worth dying for.

So ask yourself these questions. Mull it over. Ponder it. Dig deep and resist the temptation to run.

Happy New Year!!!

I thought it appropriate to begin the New Year with a post to my blog. I know it has been awhile (okay, so a long while) but nevertheless, here I am, ready with a renewed commitment to resume my blogging. Hopefully, this resolution will last longer than my last year’s vow to abstain from processed sugar. Twix, or Sour Patch Kids anyone? =)

Okay, just kidding. I really do have the best intentions of keeping up on my posts.

To be honest, celebrating the New Year has always been an event of mixed feelings for me. Although the opportunity to begin anew and fresh is a welcome prospect, I can’t help but feel slightly melancholy over the things that are being left behind. So while I raised my glass of sparkling cider when the clock struck midnight, there was a twinge of regret and sadness that sat like a lump in the corner of my heart.

I hate saying goodbye. I always have. That in itself is a very strange thing because it is my nature to always look ahead to the next adventure God has for me. But during this season, I allow myself to sit quietly and take a few moments to ponder the fleeting moments that have created this latest chapter of my life.

And do you know what stands out to me during this time of reflection? It isn’t the cute boots that I just had to have. It isn’t the raise I received in my pay check or even the news headlines from around the world. They are the seemingly insignificant moments that involve the people I love. Laughing with my husband to the point I have tears running down my face, receiving a quick loving note from my mom and dad, or spending time in prayer with my girlfriends, these are the moments that grow as a lasting root into the foundation of who I am.

However, with that being said, I sometimes can recall with a shudder the times I really screwed up in the past year. The displays of my temper, insensitivity, selfishness and pride are all things I deeply regret and I wish more than anything I could take back.

I realize it does no good to rehash these things. No good can come from holding on to old sin. That is one of the beautiful things that come from knowing Jesus as your personal Savior. Because of His forgiveness, those ugly marks are erased permanently from my record. I am now beginning to realize that the New Year’s celebration is an amazing picture of this grace. Every morning, I am able to wake up and experience the opportunity to start over fresh and with a clean slate. That is something worth constantly celebrating with every ounce of my being.

I know this year will be filled with some amazing blessings, but it also will feature many of my failures. I am not perfect and I cannot do anything on my own. But because of Jesus, I can say that in a way, all of 2007 was a great year.

In fact, it was an absolutely beautiful one.

Here's praying that 2008 is the same for you.