Christmas Ponderings for the New Year

Now that the gifts have been opened, the Christmas story read, I’m left to reflect on what I have gleaned from the season. This year has been different for me. We celebrated Advent Conspiracy through our church and while I knew it was going to be an awesome opportunity to help those that really need it, I was not prepared for what it was going to do in my own heart. Even though the heart of Advent Conspiracy is worship, I don’t think I fully grasped the magnitude of this word until this past week.

With what started for me as a way to celebrate Christmas in a simple but meaningful way turned into a complete mindset that I hope will forever shape everything I do. Without the burden of over-spending consumerism and the stress of the hustle and bustle, Jesus was able to strip away the clutter in my heart and make room for simply…HIM. I was left with the opportunity to really ponder Christ. To contemplate in the deepest part of my soul the incarnation of God.

You see, this year was the first year in which I really tried to not let myself become preoccupied by the well-meaning intentions of the holiday season. I don’t say this as a pat on my own back, but rather a testament to what I realize I have allowed myself to miss out during Christmases past. While I have always regularly (and genuinely) touted “Remember the Reason for the Season” every December, more often than naught it seemed as though Christmas would sneak past me every year in some elusive spirit of deeper meaning. Frantic and always slightly disappointed, it seemed I would always be left trying to prepare my heart on the way to the Christmas Eve service.

I realize this sounds as though I’ve been missing the point of Christmas. After all, I grew up in an amazing home that stressed the gift of Christ every year and I get it. I really do. But as someone who has experienced the saving grace of Jesus since I was a wee little girl, I think as an adult I have been longing for something at Christmas that went beyond the TRADITION of celebrating Christ at Christmas and instead experienced something that was life changing.

Maybe that is what God was able to do in my heart this year. I was able to SAVOR his sacrifice, his humility. I was forced to examine the way I worshipped and how I portrayed Christ to others.

It made room in my heart to worship Jesus in the WAY of Jesus.

Jesus didn’t spend his time waiting in long lines at shopping malls, or decorating gingerbread houses. He gave himself fully and completely in his love, time and energy. While I definitely don’t think he would judge our activities at Christmas (if they come with the right intentions), I do wonder if there are times he is gently beckoning for us to take a step back and just RE-EXAMINE and EXPERIENCE who He IS. And how when we do, it literally can feel like our heart’s preconceived notions are getting pounded into a million little pieces. It’s like taking a breath for the very first time all over again and you realize the miracle at Christmas isn’t found on 34th street or even under the tree itself.

The miracle is that God personally entered our story.

I don’t know why but I just keep coming back to this phrase. It is one that makes me want to weep. The beauty of it, the sacrifice of it, and the hope that is found in the notion that God made himself nothing to make us everything is something that my heart can barely wrap itself around. It was the inspiration for the Christmas card that Jared and I sent out this year. It was my heart’s attempt at unraveling the awe and almost gut wrenching, bittersweet feeling of undeserved deliverance. I’m sure you all have read it but just in case I missed some of you out there, I hope it blesses you. May it be a year, and not just a season, that we all reflect on and experience the true heart of God...

THE MOMENT

Amidst the heavy blanket of darkness, a small cry was heard.

A sound so beautiful it would shatter the shackles binding our feet.

It would cause us to lift our faces toward heaven and reach for the eternal.

In that moment, Hope entered the world in a tangible form.

Having tasted the forbidden, we struggled and fought against our very nature.

So weary and broken, needing rescue from a chosen path of self-destruction.

In that moment, God's Love was perfected.

Hands so tiny, an entrance so humble, his beating heart was proof of God's answer.

Goodness and mercy had entered our story, in the faultless epitome of Emmanuel.

In that moment, Heaven took its first breath.

And with his last, he would breathe our forgiveness.

Arms stretched wide, hearts now freed; our decay would be exchanged for His beauty.

In that moment, Redemption was born.

This One is For You Bonnie...

My best friend (Bonnie!!!) tagged me so because I love her so much, here are my Favorite 8s...

8 Favorite TV Shows:
1. Heroes
2. The Office
3. 30 Rock
4. Prison Break
5. ?
6. ?
7. ?
8. ?

8 Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Drank a Chocolate Chai from Common Grounds Coffee Shop
2. Went to church and contemplated the Advent season
3. Visited our Sunday hotspot Little T American Baking Company for lunch with hubby, and Derek & Heidi. Gotta love their soup and baguettes.
4. Did the weekly grocery shopping at New Seasons.
5. Went to a bookstore to longingly peruse European cookbooks.
6. Went for a run and enjoyed the fresh air.
7. Curled up with a book.
8. Thanked God for such a perfect and simple day.

8 Favorite Restaurants (mine all gotta be local!):
1. Savoy's
2. Fonda Rosa
3. Urban Fondu
4. Bipartisan Cafe
5. Stark Street Pizza
6. Toro Bravo
7. Papa Hayden's
8. Bridgeport Brewery

8 Favorite Movies:
1. Pride & Prejudice
2. Legends of the Fall
3. Atonement
4. Far and Away
5. New World
6. Minority Report
7. Cinderella Man
8. How to Lose a Guy in 10 days

8 Favorite Bands/Singers
1. Barcelona
2. Falling Up
3. Wavorly
4. Disciple
5. Amy Seeley
6. Angles & Airwaves
7. Phil Wickam
8. Coldplay

8 Things on My Wish List:
1. Learn Italian & French
2. Learn to play the Cello
3. Become a pastry chef
4. Better learn how minister God's love to those around me and globally
5. Write a novel
6. Quit my job and travel the world with my husband
7. Adopt a child
8. To always find contentedness within the simplicity.

8 People I Tag to Play Next:
1. Brice
2. Natalie
3. Rachel
4. Stacey
5. Michele
6. ?
7. ?
8. ?

Thank You

I guess I could write a list of everything I am thankful for but somehow it just seem too obvious. Instead, I have been challenging myself to examine each moment and pull from the beneath the surface the little things that seem to go by unnoticed. I want to really ponder what it means to be thankful and how, if my heart is truly in that place, how differently I would live my life.

What kind of a person would I be? How differently would I treat my husband? How much more would I acknowledge the depth of God's love for me? 

It seems so often that I get caught up in this sense of entitlement. I don't mean for it to happen but like a dune of shifting sand, I find that I get buried beneath my the weight of my selfishness and indifference. 

To truly to be thankful is to acknowledge that in every moment of my very existence there is something to be cherished, something to inspire awe & learning and something to make me acknowledge that life is so much more beyond my own self. And in my soul, I feel this swell of humble gratitude as I realize just how insignificant I am but just how much beauty there is to found in a life in Christ.

I want to turn my face toward heaven and just breathe Him in. To not say a word and let my heart say the rest. After all, true thankfulness is something that goes beyond the limited perimeters of conversation. It is a posture of humble gratitude and one that is given when we simply revel in the blessings of God. 

Praying for Answers

An important lesson I have been learning...

God does not solely demonstrate his love to us by only answering our prayers with a "Yes."

But rather, His love is much more confirmed to us as He SUSTAINS us through the process.

In my one of my earlier posts, I mentioned I have a lot of family and friends waiting on some answers to prayers. It hasn't made me doubt God, but it has made me question why He seems to answer the prayers of some believers over others.

I'm reading this great book entitled, "Get Off Your Knees and Pray" by Sheila Walsh and studying Ephesians in my quiet time.

I realize that God's ways are higher than our own and that God CANNOT act outside of love because He IS love. I know this but sometimes I just need that reminder from the Word. Times can be confusing and our perspective can be skewed in our pain and doubt.

I love how Sheila Walsh puts it:

"If the whole point of our lives is to become more like Christ and be a conduit for the love of God, then we will be given different paths to take-which may or may not correlate to our prayers. Some paths seem more attractive than others, but no one really knows the burden another carries. What I am convinced of is that God loves his children. I don't know why he answers one woman's prayers one way and another woman's prayers differently, only that he has a reason for it.

A quote from Gore Vidal: "Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies."

One of the ways we can measure whether we are at peace in the love of God is by asking ourselves whether we fall into Gore Vidal's camp (unable to celebrate Christ shining through another's life) or whether we are able to recognize God's wisdom as he lovingly hand-packs each [jar of clay] himself. Because only when we can do that...when we can accept his hand working differently in your life as opposed to mine, answering each prayer in his own time and understanding...can we truly be at peace with God."

Wow. This really humbled me. So many times I get caught in thinking it is all about me or you. "Why don't you heal her God? Why don't you give her a baby?" I mean I am not asking for things that are selfish (babies & healing are all good things) but then I realize it is my PERSPECTIVE that is selfish. I am here for God's purpose and whatever path he has me on is for his glory. Do I always understand that? No.

But that is where God comes in as my sustainer. He is far more interested in showing us his love by being WITH us. I find great hope in that and suddenly the big open ended questions of "Why God?" suddenly don't seem as important. It's not easy and I'm not one to shy away from things when they don't make sense but I have to trust in who God says He is. That has to be enough.

And I'm realizing it is.

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.." Ephesians 1:18-19

Advent Conspiracy

Every year at Christmas, Imago Dei puts on Advent Conspiracy...a re-prioritizing of Christmas that encourages people to get away from the worship of consumerism to the worship of Christ. Instead of spending a lot of money on gifts that people don't really want or need, it is a worship event (NOT fundraiser) that is designed to give to those that need help the most. Likewise, it forces us to detach ourselves from the material element of our society and re-attach ourselves to God and other people.

It clarifies WHOM and HOW we worship.

The important thing to realize is that Advent Conspiracy isn't asking people NOT to buy gifts. To quote from today's bulletin:

"How often have you spent money on Christmas presents for no other reason than obligation? How many times have you received a gift out of that same obligation? Thanks, but no thanks, right? We're asking people to consider spending less this Christmas (maybe buying one less gift). Sounds insignificant, yet many who have taken this small sacrifice have experienced something nothing less than a miracle: They have been more available to celebrate Christ during the advent season.

God's gift to us was a relationship built on love. So it's no wonder why we're drawn to the idea that Christmas should be a time to love our friends and family in the most memorable ways possible. Time is the real gift Christmas offers us, and no matter how hard we look, it can't be found at the mall. Time to make a gift that turns into the next family heirloom. Time to write Mom a letter. Time to take the kids sledding. Time to bake really good cookies and sing really bad Christmas carols. Time to make love visible through relational giving. Sounds a lot better than getting a sweater two sizes too big, right?"

Through last year's giving during Advent Conspiracy, the church was able to SOLVE the water crisis at Mt. Barclay in Liberia and provide clean water, a school for children and implement the teaching of sustainable skills so that single moms would no longer have to resort to prostitution. This is amazing to me!!!!!

Along with global outreach, this year Imago is extending their hand to churches in Portland with the prayer that together we can make a huge impact on one of the darkest cities in the United States....here. It is my prayer that you take a few minutes out of your day and visit the Advant Conspiracy website and pray and ask if this is something God is leading you to become part of. Please make sure to watch the video on the opening page as well as the ones shot in Liberia (under 'videos').

They aren't going to know us as Christians just based on things we choose not to do, but rather and more importantly, how we give and love other people.

Blessings.

http://www.adventconspiracy.org/

The Body

"When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up-one on one side, one on the other-so that his hands remained STEADY till sunset." Exodus 17:12

The beauty of this verse caught me off guard a couple of weeks ago.

I have so many dear friends and family members that are currently undergoing trying times in their life. From sickness to negative pregnancy tests I realize just how tired they must be. It's not that their faith is fading... but I know their hands must be shaking with exhaustion as they keep reaching out in faith month after month.

I imagine Moses trying to sit there with the weight of a victory on his shoulders.

10 minutes pass, then hours.

His arms, reaching up to heaven, must have started to shake as his strength was no match for the crushing pressure of this monumental task. His shoulders must have ached with exhaustion. I wonder if he started to cry out or if sweat started dripping down his face. Suddenly, this command of demonstrated faithfulness must have felt like a burden too large for him to carry.

God could have just said, "Moses, I hear your cries. I understand this is a lot for any person to carry so I will now take it from you." He could have relieved him of the stress in a blink of an eye.

Instead, God had a different plan. Just as Moses’ arms were about to drop, a brother and friend came alongside him and held him steady till sunset. When I first thought about this verse, I thought ‘how cool is that! They just held up his hands so it was easy for Moses.’ But the more I think about it out, I realize that their arms must have felt the same tiring ache to an extent. Aaron and Hur shared in that burden, in his pain and they didn’t abandon Moses when it became inconvenient. Hours passed and as the darkness of twilight started to overcome them, these three men were silhouetted against a sunset in a beautiful picture of love, faith and committed friendship.

Sometimes, there are burdens that God gives us that we can’t bear on our own. We need our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to come alongside and help keep us steady when our arms start to shake. I love that God designed the church for this purpose. It doesn’t matter what congregation we attend or if we live in the suburbs or the inner city. We are one body in Christ. An ever moving, diverse body of believers that is called to a single purpose.

I just want to say to all my friends and family that are going through trying times that I am there for you. That I will come along side you and weep with you if you need someone to share in your pain. I will be there if you need a smile or just someone to sit in silence with you. I will be there until the sun goes down and together we shall keep each other steady.

Simply Flipping the Equation...

So....I'm sorry this post is so late. I meant to write it as an immediate follow up to "Crying Out" but as usual, my good intentions always seem to find an escape route.

Since that post I have had a ton of very sweet friends and family either call, email and text and ask if Jared and I were alright.

Yes, Jared and I are okay. In fact, we are better than ever.

I feel like this is the culmination of a two year long journey and am finally at a point where I am ready to brutally honest with myself and with God. If you been keeping up with my blogs (okay, the whole three of them!) lately, I've been so tired of my Christianity being so self-focused. Aren't I made for something else? To be part of a community that reaches out as the loving hands and feet of Jesus Christ in a very practical way? I don't say this as someone else who thinks of them self as better than other Christians, but as someone who has been ignoring the call of the Lord for my own life.

Until now.

There's no more excuses, no more laziness. I want to break fee of this bubble of familiar, self-security to explore just how the Gospel can transform lives and communities here in Portland. I've received the most incredible Biblical foundation at my church but now I feel like it is time to go out and DO something with it.

At communion a couple of Sundays ago (at a church different then we normally attend), I watched as about 7 minority, inner-city high schoolers went up with their Young Life leaders to take communion as a family. Despite the troubled homes and diverse backgrounds of these kids, they circled up, with their arms around each other and partook. It was so beautiful to witness and I remember thinking, "This is what Jesus is talking about. This is a picture of what the church truly is."

I guess I'm just ready to follow and see where God takes us. It's just been so neat to dive into this with Jared. His heart is in the exact spot as mine and I love what we are exploring in our devotion time together. God is truly changing our hearts and growing me in ways that I never would have believed two years ago. I'm almost sick when I look back on my ugliness of being so incredibly judgemental and/or religious toward so much in my life. I feel like God has brought us full circle and it reminds me how God never, ever gives up on us and that there is always beautiful redemption in Jesus.

I would like to finish this blog with this little tidbit from a book entitled, "Quaker Summer" by Lisa Samson. I read it almost a year ago and while I had (again) good intentions of reviewing it for the blog, I never got around to it. I was flipping through it once again a couple of weeks ago and fell upon a passage that couldn't more exactly describe what God is doing in our lives right now.

Let me set this up for you...

Heather Curridge, seems to have everything going for her (great church, loving family, nice SUV and house on the hill) but is secretly falling apart as she realizes she is at a crossroads in her life. She finds herself spending the summer with two elderly Quaker sisters and a nun who runs a crisis center in the rough part of town. In this scene, Heather is talking with one of the Quaker sisters(Liza).

(Liza) "Certainly. So did your church encourage you all to move outward, or was it inwardly focused?

(Heather) "Mostly inward. I did much more for my church members than I did for my neighbors, if that's what you mean."

She places her hand on the doorknob. "Maybe God's simply flipping the equation."

**First of all, I cannot stress ENOUGH that I am in no way implying some underlining or attacking message against a church. I refer to this quick passage because it describes in the most simple and beautiful way what I feel like God is calling us (Jared and I) to do in OUR life.**

It just reminds me of this saying we heard a week ago at Bridgetown Ministries and I pray it stays with me for the rest of my life....

"Don't just go to church...BE the church."

"I praise you Lord for using us and allowing us to grow in a way that brings glory to YOUR name. May we never lose sight of your truth and calling in our lives. Mold us, shape us, and thank you for bestowing upon us these amazing lessons and opportunities for growth...even despite the times we try to get in way."

Amen.

Stiamo andando in Italia!

Bring on the spaghetti, art, beautiful landscapes, and historic architecture, folks...Jared booked a wedding in Italy for next summer!!!! Can I please just tell you how humbled I am right now by this blessing? I'm so overwhelmed by the goodness of the Lord! Italy has been my dream destination ever since I took a year of History of Western Art in college. I never thought I would actually ever get to go....


The castle where the wedding will be taking place.


The nearest city to the castle. I can't remember the name of it though...

Lord, we thank you!!!

Crying Out

I feel like my soul is bursting right now and I barely can contain it.

I want to fall to my knees and just cry out and say, "Alright God. I hear you. I feel you. And it is now time for me to stop fighting or making excuses. It's time for me to rip the blinders off of my eyes and see the path you have laid out before me."

The culmination of this past year's journey is here and I am scared, nervous, but also amazingly more alive than ever. It's time for a change in my life. A big one. It's been about two years in the making and even though I know it will be difficult and that not everyone will understand, Jared and I are about to start the most amazing faith expedition of our lives.

We are yours God, forever and ever. Amen.

In Memory

This is my journal entry from me and Jared's hike today...

"Jared and I made the hike up to Angel's Rest today and now I'm on a boulder overlooking the Gorge. It is a perfect moment with my very best friend. I'm at complete peace and overwhelmed with just how beautiful it is up here. I'm so blessed to be surrounded by God's creation like this in a place where I live and to be able to share it with my hubby.

We were just sitting on a bench at the end of the trail, soaking up the blue of the water, the varigated green of the trees and the gray mist of the clouds when a man and a young boy cam and sat down next to us on the ground. The man whose name is Jeff, was friendly in conversation and asked if we had ever been up here to the bench before.

It was then that I saw his boquet of colorful dalias.

The bench we were sitting on had a memorial plaque attached to it for a woman by the name of Susan Hendricks. This man was her husband and the boy was her son who was only 10 days old when she died. They come up here, every year, to resand the bench and sit in memory of her.

I couldn't help but cry as I heard her husband talk about his wife and how it has been for his son who has no memory of his Mom. I was overwhelmed by their peace, their smiles and the loving touch of a dad and a son as they sanded away the carvings and weathering of another year gone by.

To me, it was such a precious moment to experience and it reminded me that admist the tragedy of this life, peace can be found in the love we share with others. The memories of people and the impact they had on our lives will never die and never will they stop being important. I know this life will change and there might be a day when Jared isn't by my side. But just as that solitary bench sits overlooking the beauty of the Gorge, I realize my memories of days like today will be a sanctuary for me to find peace and I suddenly know I will be okay.

Thank you Lord, for this day and the glimpse of love and comfort you revealed to me. It was such a gift to behold."


Jeff and Jordan at the bench's initial dedication. For more information, visit the website: www.susanlhendricksmemorials.net


Almost ten years later. They forgot their camera and asked if we wouldn't mind taking one of them. Praying God blesses your family!


A close-up of the plaque on the bench. Very touching.


My hubby and I taking in the beautiful view. I chopped off my hair and got red streaks! Kinda hard to tell in this pic but I feel like a rock star! ;)

Religion vs. The Gospel: Part II

Freedom.

I'll admit until about a month and half ago, that word in the Biblical context really scared me because I didn't understand it. Some Christians use it as a basis for "everything is permissible" kind of lifestyle. Still others choose to ignore the word completely and demand that both they and others around them live their life according the rigid set of religious rules they deemed necessary to obtain holy living. I found myself somewhere in the middle (but sometimes slipping to group #2) and more often than nought, with my head stuck in the sand like an ostrich. Maybe I was afraid of the answer, but for whatever reason I usually chose to dance around the issue so I didn't have to examine it too closely.

I was always left with this question, "What does freedom in the Christian life look like? What is it for?"

To me, it was more of an issue regarding how we chose to live our own lives. But then, I stumbled across Galations 5:13 and my eyes were suddenly opened.

"You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature[a]; rather, serve one another in love."

The simple truth had been there the entire time and yet I kept missing the point.

The point of freedom isn't about us. It is God's way of relieving us of a heavy burden of following the "law" so that we can focus on others. In the past few month I've been hit time and time again, with just how much the Gospel has an outwardly perspective as its focus. Sometimes I get so concerned with how I doing and how I'm appearing to live my life that I realize I'm missing the point entirely. Not that being concerned about our walk is a bad thing; it's quite the opposite. However, we aren't really fulfilling the purpose God has set before us if we choose to concentrate mostly on ourselves.

I'll admit I see this a lot in myself and in the Church. Sometimes we are afraid "to get our hands dirty" by associating with people that are difficult or involved with things that could lower our image. We can spend a lot of time pouring all of our effort into our own walk that we neglect the ones God has called us to love.

I know it is a whole lot easier to cut these people out of our lives but it is not what the Gospel is asking us to do. It is not what Christ did. The love of what He did on the cross is enough to cover the blemishes of us all. His perfect love couldn't be anymore outwardly demonstrated and in that I find a sense of freedom I am no longer afraid of.

In fact, I embrace it wholeheartedly.

"For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love" Galations 5:6

Religion vs The Gospel: Part 1

Religion. Even the sight of the word makes my skin crawl with a shudder. While most people unknowingly use it as a common label for people who have a belief in God, it is in fact, a word that has a deeply dangerous connotation.

A couple of weeks ago, I was blessed to be able to attend Grace Church in San Luis Obispo, CA with my in-laws Joella & Jeremy. The topic of the sermon was one that I found quite pertinent in today's world view and would like to share with whomever stumbles across this blog.

(Galations 5:1-12)

THE DEADLY DANGERS OF RELIGION:

1. Religion renders Christ of no benefit (v2)
Religion is self-centered in its focus.

2. Religion obligates us to perfect obedience (v3)
The problem is, we can't!

3. Religion cuts us off from Christ and God's grace (v4)
God does not accept us because we obey. He accepts us only through His Grace & Son.

4. Religion is not obeying the truth (v7)
The gospel is clear that it is not by works, but by grace through faith that we are saved.

5. Religion is not from God (v8)
It removes the faith element.

6. Religion spreads like leaven (v9)
It spurs pride, judgement, self-reliance & anything we, as Christians, try to add to our "to-do" lists. This can seem harmless at first (ie: habitually reading our Bible, attending church, etc) but a wrong attitude can quickly turn our walk into religion.

7. Religion exposes us to God's judgement (v10)
It severes the relationship aspect and turns it into a self-seeking list.

8. Religion abolishes the stumbling block of the cross (v11)
Sometimes the simplicity of faith is too much for people to overcome.

In contrast, the Bible tells of the genuine truth of God's desire for His people:

THE DELIGHTFUL DIRECTION OF THE GOSPEL:

1. Upward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to wait expectantly for righteousness (v5)
We hope by faith. We are not depending on the burden of ourselves and the drudgery of keeping the law. We are no longer consumed with rule following.

2. Outward: Faith in the Gospel frees us to love others (v6)
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Love is the fruit of faith...the outward demonstration.

I have to pause here. When I was listening to this sermon I was both deeply amazed and convicted by the truth that was being presented to me. I will admit, it is really easy for me to be the kind of person who makes "lists." I like to be looked at as a "good" Christian and secretly, it can be pretty easy for me to point out what doesn't look so "good" in other people. I recall these times and I realize just how religious I was being. I wanted my gold star, and in doing so probably pushed a lot of people out of my way. People that probably needed to be shown love.

This is the danger of being religious. It takes the Gospel which is so lovingly outward with its focus and turns it into a selfish perspective of duty. I'm pretty sure most Christians don't intend for it to happen, but then, like a bad habit, it creeps back into our life and sucks the living right out of us.

I wonder how many people have suffered at the hands of "religion"? It fascinates me, as well as makes me terribly sad, to think that most people equate the Bible & Christians with religion. I just pray that I can do my part and let people know that God is so much bigger than their misconceptions.

Perspective

Life, even with its struggles, twists and turns, is a very beautiful thing. Sometimes, I forget that. It's so easy to concentrate on whatever issue is consuming me at the moment that I fail to focus on the greater picture of what God is doing in my life.

If I could describe my current life in a single phrase, it would be "take a deep breath." With my job possibly ending in September, us moving, and Jared trying to get into a studio and go full time with the business, it is so easy for me to get caught up in worry and doubt. I kinda feel like we are standing on the edge of the cliff in "The Last Crusade" where Indiana Jones has to have the faith to step onto the "invisible bridge" in his search for the Holy Grail. He knows it is there and that it will carry him across to the other side but actually taking that plunge is a completely different story.

But then I do a quick time of reflection and I know God is doing a great work in our lives through this trying time. He is growing Jared and I closer to each other and closer to Him and we are realizing that EVERYTHING is from His hand and not of our own accord. Awesome thing to learn. He has us here for a reason and I have to trust in that, even when things don't necessarily make a whole lot of sense.

I think that is the beauty of obedience. If God just wanted to give us something, he would. But instead, I think He loves us so much that is He is far more concerned with the process of growing us into He wants us to be. Is it an intricate and difficult process at times? Absolutely. But it is one I wouldn't change for the world.

I Heart My Hubby

Today, is my 2nd Wedding Anniversary!!! Jared and I kept it pretty low key with a candlelit BBQ in the back yard. It couldn't have been more perfect and simple..an absolute beautiful evening and one I know I will remember for a long time.

I know it sounds cliché but of course, I can’t help but think of all the reasons I love my hubby. Here are a few:

1. He never gets tired of picking up my hair ties I randomly leave around the house.
2. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl he has ever seen (but isn’t afraid to go tell me to shave my legs when I need to.)
3. He is even goofier than I am & his yodeling makes me want to pee my pants in laughter.
4. He needs to cuddle for at least 30 minutes a day.
5. He lets me know when I am being disrespectful or mean spirited.
6. Even if it is just breakfast for dinner, he absolutely loves it when I cook and has never said one critical remark (not even when I once used a spaghetti sauce that tasted like vomit...true story!).
7. He always asks these deep, probing questions about stuff I never know about right before we go to bed. Although at times exasperating, I love that curiosity he has about life. He is always looking at things in a way I forget to.
8. I can leave for work with a ton of laundry to do and I will come home and not only is it done and put away but he has also cleaned the kitchen and our bedroom. Most importantly, he doesn’t keep score or use that against me.
9. His creativity, style, and determination make him the best photographer I have ever seen.
10. No matter what we do, we both agree that it is best when we do it together.
11. His adventurous spirit. From snowboarding and roller coasters, to trying new food and living on the East Side, Jared has taken my hand and opened my eyes to a world of new experiences and wonderful memories.
12. He’ll be the best dad imaginable.
13. He commonly mistakes me for a ninja, and likes to think he can karate chop me or wrestle me to the ground when we are outside.
14. He constantly reminds me of the simplicity of what it means to be a Christian when I spend too much time trying to complicate things.
15. He covers me and prays over us every night before we fall asleep.
16. He has an honest desire to become the man and husband that God wants him to be. He leads me in the ways of the Lord and demonstrates Christ’s love for the Church.
17. I know that our marriage is the most important thing to him in this world.
18. He surprised me and took me to the ballet…and actually enjoyed it.
19. When we are riding our bikes home from church and my legs get too tired on the hills, he will come alongside me and push my seat so I can make it.
20. When I think of everything Jared is to me…my better half, my encourager, my champion, …best friend is the one I cherish the most.
He is the companion of my heart through everything life brings.

(Okay, I didn’t come up with that last line. It’s off the card I gave him, but I couldn’t have been said any better =)

Jared…I am so blessed and humbled that I am the gal that gets to be your wife. A life with you is more than I could have ever imagined. I love you.

I’m at 30,000 feet above the ground as I write this. A canopy of perfectly white clouds are right outside my airplane window and they look so soft it seems I could almost reach out and grab a handful of their fluffiness without it disintegrating between my fingertips. My iPod is playing one of my favorite songs. It is strangely both calming and moody and I find myself settling against my seat in quiet reflection, my thoughts drifting over the past few weeks.

I’m on my way home after spending five weeks at Keesler AFB, Mississippi for some military training. Overall, it was a great experience and God blessed me with some really great Christian women to hang out with. It felt so good to be back on an active duty base and to be reminded of the role I serve in the US military. I’m so glad to be able to wear the uniform and to belong to a strong heritage of those that have served, are serving, or will serve.

I’m not going to stand on my patriotic soapbox as I strongly believe that our country could use a lot of redirection but for me, I sometimes downplay or forget what a large part the military has played in making me the person I am today. It has taken me across the world, introduced me to people I will never forget, forced me to view the world and my life in a different light, and it even brought me to my husband.

Most importantly, God has used the military to draw me close to Him in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’m only 24, but since I enlisted in 2001, these past 7 years have been an adventure I thank God for and would never take back, not even for a second. How was I to know the amazing journeys God would take me down? I’m so humbled by this thought, so thankful that God allowed me to experience this. There have been some bruises and cut knees along the way but there have also been some of the most glorious moments where my Savior has picked me up, mended my wounds with His love and helped me stand more firmly in whom I am IN Him. A priceless gift and one I don’t deserve.

When I graduated high school, my mom gave me “Oh, the Places You Will Go” by Dr. Suess. I think back on that book now and my heart is so full. I’m realizing it’s not about the physical places I’ve visited or will visit. It all goes back to God and the intangible/indescribable moments He takes us in our lives; our hand in His, in this beautiful journey of self-exploration and a relationship defined by perfect trust……

I can see mountain tops start to poke their peaks through the clouds and I know I am almost home. I can’t wait to be back with my hubby. But for now, I am content up here in the never-ending sky, just me and my thoughts.

Oh, the places we will go. The marvelous and wondrous places…

In His Presence

There are days in which you feel as though you are trudging through life on only the sometimes waning vapors of an obedient faith. Though you realize the Lord has not forsaken you, you long for a tangible reminder of His presence. That silence can be a vast well, one in which your soul so desperately wants to climb out of, but is instead forced to wait in patient stillness.

And then there are days in which He literally wraps Himself around your senses and you realize you are in His very presence.

I experienced God in that way today. My husband and I went to the mountain to go snowboarding and though the wind was so powerful that Timberline was closed, we drove up anyway and paused to take in the view.

The beauty of that moment took my breath away. The cerulean sky was without a single cloud and the snow whirled around the peak of the mountain like vapors of crystal smoke. Wind whistled through the evergreens in a powerful but haunting melody and the brightness of the sun against the pure white snow was so vivid, I had to shade my eyes. And it was there, when I lifted my eyes to the heaven, that I realized there was nothing in this moment but endless blue sky, a beautiful mountain and my God. It was His creation, His gift to me and the air was saturated with His presence. I stood there, in the stinging wind and let Him wash over me. Every burden I was carrying was suddenly gone, having taken flight on the powerful coattails of the air around me. My fears and doubts melted away like ice from the branches of the tree and I was once again reminded what it feels like to experience perfect contentment. I am loved. Oh, I am loved desperately.

Today was such a precious gift and one that filled my soul with a sense of refreshed completeness. It is my prayer that wherever God reveals himself to you, that you will be ready to receive it.

"In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him." Ps 95:4.

Running on Empty

I sometimes think people run from the difficult questions. Like the rising waters of a tidal wave licking at our heels, we stay just far enough ahead of it so as to not get swallowed up but still convince ourselves we are still, somehow, coming face to face with reality.

Maybe we aren’t necessarily afraid of the question, but rather what the answer may reveal. To face that answer, to really evaluate it, means we can’t just simply ponder it and let it lie. Instead, we are compelled to take action.

I know there was a time in my life, where if I felt challenged, I would become defensive to the point of being judgmental. I’m learning that sometimes those tough questions are ones that the Lord uses to encourage growth. When we feel like we have all the answers, we can sometimes become stagnant in the way we approach the life God has given us. We are too comfortable, too complacent, and at times too prideful in our own self righteousness.

I am guilty.

I’m in the middle of reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. She is one of my favorite authors because she’s not afraid to ruffle feathers and ask some pretty difficult questions regarding today’s Christian culture. This book is no different. In it, the main character comes to terms with how much of the Christian church in America has missed the point. At times slightly cynical but always searching, Heather Curridge is realizing that she, herself, has been a major contributer to the problem. Although I will wait to give a full review until I have finished the book, there is one question in the chapter I am reading that has really caught my attention.

“..So if we are not any morally different than the rest of the world, why do we think we’re so great, why do we think we have all the answers, why do we act like such know-it-alls? Shouldn’t our love for Jesus make a difference in our behavior?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“As far as I am concerned, all we have is hope. And if I’m honest, it’s probably all we’ve ever had that’s separated us from the rest of humanity. Isn’t that right?”

Ouch. Now you have to read this book so as not to take it out of context but this paragraph stopped me dead in my tracks. Is my hope the only thing that separates me from the rest of the world? Trust me; this isn’t about the moral high road that so many Christians use to argue “why I am a better Christian than so and so…” What I am getting at is this: Is the love of Jesus making a difference in my BEHAVIOR? Is it being demonstrated in everything I do? Is their an outward focus of it?

As Christians, many of us choose not to watch R-rated movies, and abstain from alcohol and cigarettes. We go to church three times a week, tithe, memorize scripture, and hold deep theological conversations with fellow believers. Now please believe me when I say these are good things that the Bible preaches in some sort or another. But if Jesus’ love isn’t being displayed in our behavior, aren’t we missing a really big part of the picture? Isn’t that what Jesus is all about? I hope people don’t think I’m talking about the kind of fluffy emotion that involves rainbows, puppies, and hippies frolicking through fields of daises =) I’m talking about the kind of love that causes drastic change in the way we see and treat others. A love so strong that Jesus thought it was worth dying for.

So ask yourself these questions. Mull it over. Ponder it. Dig deep and resist the temptation to run.

Happy New Year!!!

I thought it appropriate to begin the New Year with a post to my blog. I know it has been awhile (okay, so a long while) but nevertheless, here I am, ready with a renewed commitment to resume my blogging. Hopefully, this resolution will last longer than my last year’s vow to abstain from processed sugar. Twix, or Sour Patch Kids anyone? =)

Okay, just kidding. I really do have the best intentions of keeping up on my posts.

To be honest, celebrating the New Year has always been an event of mixed feelings for me. Although the opportunity to begin anew and fresh is a welcome prospect, I can’t help but feel slightly melancholy over the things that are being left behind. So while I raised my glass of sparkling cider when the clock struck midnight, there was a twinge of regret and sadness that sat like a lump in the corner of my heart.

I hate saying goodbye. I always have. That in itself is a very strange thing because it is my nature to always look ahead to the next adventure God has for me. But during this season, I allow myself to sit quietly and take a few moments to ponder the fleeting moments that have created this latest chapter of my life.

And do you know what stands out to me during this time of reflection? It isn’t the cute boots that I just had to have. It isn’t the raise I received in my pay check or even the news headlines from around the world. They are the seemingly insignificant moments that involve the people I love. Laughing with my husband to the point I have tears running down my face, receiving a quick loving note from my mom and dad, or spending time in prayer with my girlfriends, these are the moments that grow as a lasting root into the foundation of who I am.

However, with that being said, I sometimes can recall with a shudder the times I really screwed up in the past year. The displays of my temper, insensitivity, selfishness and pride are all things I deeply regret and I wish more than anything I could take back.

I realize it does no good to rehash these things. No good can come from holding on to old sin. That is one of the beautiful things that come from knowing Jesus as your personal Savior. Because of His forgiveness, those ugly marks are erased permanently from my record. I am now beginning to realize that the New Year’s celebration is an amazing picture of this grace. Every morning, I am able to wake up and experience the opportunity to start over fresh and with a clean slate. That is something worth constantly celebrating with every ounce of my being.

I know this year will be filled with some amazing blessings, but it also will feature many of my failures. I am not perfect and I cannot do anything on my own. But because of Jesus, I can say that in a way, all of 2007 was a great year.

In fact, it was an absolutely beautiful one.

Here's praying that 2008 is the same for you.