Listening to the True Voice

Note: I meant to post this before I left out of town to spend Easter with my family. Sorry!

This has been a crazy, crazy week and I have thus come to a startling conclusion:

I am a Gumby Doll.

Now, I will admit that weird, green, clay "thing" really gives me the creeps. What is it exactly? Is it a vegetable? A weird little man from outer space? Whatever "it" is, it sure can be stretched, twisted and molded into anything its creator desires.

And whoa, over the past couple of days have I ever been stretched! I've questioned everything from myself, my abilities, to my purpose as a writer. It has forced me to take the time to clear everybody’s voice from my head and sit quietly in reflection.

That doesn’t come easy to me. I’d rather pick up a book or doodle.

I guess I have been so focused with wanting to reach out to both Christians and Non-Christians with my writing that I have been second-guessing the right way to go about it. HA! As if there is a right way. (More on that later.) To further explain my ambiguous ramblings, here is a snippet of something I posted on the ACFW loop:


“So... I have been in a pickle lately regarding faith
in my writing and since the most recent posts have
kinda touched on the subject, I thought I might as
well join the conversation. Here it is: My first ms is
about a story that is very close to my heart. Though
the circumstances are very different, the message
featured is one I feel very called to share with
others, especially young women. The thing is, it
features quite a bit of Biblical truth that is direct
and very honest (especially for the genre I write in).
It is not harsh but definitely has the Christian
market in mind as it features scripture etc. The
problem is I would LOVE if a non-Christian picked up
something I had written, but am wondering if they
would be put off by what I have included?

Are we to try to balance faith in our writing so that
it appeals to a broader audience?

I will admit, the thought of featuring a 'lighter'
presentation of faith is one that does not sit well in
my belly. But is that my own stubbornness talking?
What is best for His kingdom?”


These were the kinds of questions that have plagued my sleep this past week. I will admit I am an over analyzer and sometimes, on a bad day, even a people pleaser. The writing world is full of critics and though I know I can’t appease them all, it still did not keep that tiny little voice from whispering worries and confusion into my brain, nagging into me a state of self-doubt. Usually, I am so strong and bold in my convictions, but call it a lack of faith on my part, I became so caught up in ‘the best way to do things’ that I forgot it wasn’t my decision to work out.

Thankfully.

After a study of Daniel (Daniel 1:8-17) I realized the only thing I can do is remain true to the kind of woman and writer God has called ME to be. The rest is up to Him. He will put my writing into the hands of those that need it. It will be His Spirit that speaks to people’s hearts. And just as He upheld an obedient Daniel in King Nebuchadnezzar’s court, I have faith my God will sustain me.

Sometimes, I think we stand in the way, and overcomplicate things when we assume it is up to us to figure out how God wants His work to be accomplished.

Instead of listening, being and doing.

And after a week of being stretched and pulled, that simplicity it is beautiful thing.

Thoughts in the Palm of My Hand

I really need to start carrying around my own little ‘writers’ notebook. You know, just something to write down my thoughts about plots, characters, where I want them to go etc. They pop into my head like a radiant pouf of clarity and before I can say ‘hot-diggety-dog’, they are gone. Vanished. Never to be retrieved again. Lately, I have been resorting to writing things on my hand like a fifth grader. Just little notes I jot onto my hand to trigger my memory later. I know, I know, my mom always told me it looks tacky and that it might lead to ink poisoning. So I don’t really believe the latter, but I will agree that it does look a little shoddy for a young woman to be walking through the grocery store with scribbles covering her arms like a henna tattoo. The problem is, if I don’t go home immediately and write it down somewhere else, the idea doesn’t really last for long.

During this morning's devotions, I read Isaiah 49:16:

“…You will absolutely never forget me! You have engraved me on the palms of Your hands.”

I love this verse and I had to let the full meaning of this sink into my brain. While I might have to hastily look for a pen to write something on my hand, God already has me engraved into His. I can’t be washed off with soap or water; I can’t be worn off after a long and busy day. I am right there, constantly in the forefront of His thoughts and love. I cannot ever be overlooked and as a writer who is notorious for forgetting everything from where I last put my keys to what direction I want the stories I write to go, I am so thankful for God’s promise. His story for my life can never be forgotten. He doesn’t need little reminders to prompt Him to get back to writing it. He is the greatest author of all time and He knows exactly where I am headed.

Distractions in Disguise

This past week, I really have been concentrating on finishing the editing of my ms. It is taking FOREVER and it is time I just knock the thing out. The problem is, I have come to the conclusion that I am the most easily distracted person in all of western civilization. No, I do not suffer from ADD, but I do have one heck of a tummy ache. Allow me to explain.

Last night, my husband and I were wondering the aisles of Safeway looking for a little "snack." We were headed to the Ben & Jerry’s when there, shining at the end of the aisle like a beacon of light was a glorious display of Betty Crocker cake mixes and frostings. Jared, who has the absolute worst sweet tooth (I think he would brush his teeth with sugar cubes if he could) turned to me with the ‘look’ in his eyes and basically informed me that I would be killing a part of his soul if we didn’t have cake that night for desert. Nice approach, huh?

Okay, so I admit I gave in a bit too easily. At first, I remember pulling the cake from the oven and asking myself how did I ever manage to think baking a 13x9 cake for TWO people was somehow a good idea? But oh, once I spread the gooey fudge frosting over it and took my first bite, I was officially hooked. There was cake for desert, cake for a midnight snack, cake for breakfast… Betty Crocker was now an official member of the Birt family.

However, the real problem was when I sat down this morning to begin my daily dose of editing. All of a sudden, I couldn’t get through a single sentence without the cake whispering my name from the kitchen. I would go and steal a bite, cover it back up and then head back into the office determined to make it through a page without being distracted by the desert in the other room. The minuets ticked by and I nervously would look at the door, fighting the urge to give in. The moist sweetness of the cake, the richness of the frosting, it was too much! I stood from my chair, walked back into the kitchen, took several more bites and stuffed into the fridge. Aha! Take that you despicable calories! I think I made it a whole eight minutes before opening the fridge back up.

I realized I had a problem when my husband walked into the office and asked me why over half the cake had gone MIA. Oops. I plead the fifth. Had I really eaten that much? Maybe THAT explains the terrible ache I have in the pit of my stomach.

You know, that is also true in our daily walks with Jesus. So many times, we are sidetracked by what we think is the “sweet stuff” that we end up not being able to concentrate on what we really should. We are left with nothing but aches and pains and consequently, no room is ever left for the things that give us true and lasting satisfaction.

Eph. 3:17-19 “…that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

So that is all for right now; I have to go get a bite of cake...
I mean, get back to my editing.
=) Rebekah

It's Official...My First Post!!! Woohoo!!

I'm so excited; I don't know where to begin!!!

First things first: I am a writer.

Gulp.

That took a lot of courage. I guess what I should say is that I’m trying to CONVINCE myself that I am one. I recently finished my first manuscript entitled, “Finding Devaney Fitzpatrick,” and while I know I have a long way to go with it, being able to put the words on paper has been an absolutely amazing experience!!! It is almost as if writing has breathed life into a part of me that I never really took the time to recognize or nurture. I’ve always enjoyed writing but until recently, always lacked the passion or commitment to pursue it fully. Now I can’t stop the words that run rampant in my brain.

I am a new member of the American Christian Fiction Writers and it is already blessing my socks off! Not only am I learning so much about the craft of writing, but also I feel so fortunate to have been led to find a group of the most genuinely nice and giving writers I could ever imagine!

Above all, I am reminded why I write. I don’t necessarily write so that one day I can hold my book in my hands or to please the others around me. I write because at the core of my being God created in me a heart that longs to share with others things that I can only express in words on a page.

Even if I never become published, I need to stop fiddling around and see myself in the capacity in which God has created me. It is for Him that I write and even if I am not able to see my “books” until I arrive in heaven, I will at least know they were laid at my Savior’s feet.

Much love,
-Rebekah

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I write contemporary fiction with a “chick-lit” voice. Sorry if that’s confusing =) I, myself, am confused quite often! I’ll try to post some of it on the blog sometime.